The Secrets That We Keep
by JaggedHands
Summary: Arizona Robbins is new at SGMW and she is one of a kind. Being one of the best pediatric surgeons in the country its hard to hide from your past and secrets. Calliope Torres is the head of orthopedics and find herself drawn to the mysterious blonde and make it her mission to get to know all her secrets, no matter how dark they may be.
1. Chapter 1

The Secrets That We Keep

Chapter 1

Arizona tucked her blonde hair behind her ears and let out a shaky breath. She was nervous. Nervous and anxious on her first day at Seattle Grey Mercy West Hospital. She was a good surgeon. A very good one. In fact one of the best pediatric surgeon in the country but starting a new job in a new place in a new town and state was always nerve wracking, no matter how good and skilled you are.

She caught a reflection of herself in the double glass doors that would lead her up to the chiefs office for her first meet and greet. She looked proffesional. Black pants, green long sleeved shirt, a black leather jacket, high heels but not too high, and a black leather handbag. Simple and casual but still elegant and formal. She wasn't much for black in any shape or form but thinking it would be a safe option she didn't hesitate to pick out the dark colour from her wardrobe.

She glanced at her watch and saw that she had twelve more minutes before her meeting with chief Webber. It wouldn't look good to be late on your first day on the job and the blonde wasn't sure where his office was located. Taking another deep breath she pushed the heavy doors open and headed straight for the reception. "Excuse me," she said in a friendly tone, "I'm looking for chief Webber's office. Could you tell me where I can find it?"

Before the older woman behind the desk could answer, a deep masculine voice came from behind. "I'm heading that way myself. I'll show you where to go. If you're comfortable with that?"

She spun around on her heels and was faced with a middle aged man with ginger hair and dressed in a white coat. Clearly a doctor or a surgeon, Arizona thought. "Um, sure. That would be great, thanks."

Walking up to the tall man he extended his hand and introduced himself. "I'm dr Owen Hunt, trauma chief, and you are?"

"Arizona," she shook his hand with a firm grip. "Dr Arizona Robbins, the new head of pediatrics. It's a pleasure to meet you dr Hunt."

"Likewise dr Robbins. Come on, I'll take you to where you need to be."

It was a big hospital with a great team of doctors, surgeons and nurses. All the medical equipment were always up to date and serviced on a regular basis. It was clean. In fact so clean that the whole place looked like it was shining like a polished huge chunk of crystal. This was going to be her home for an unknown period of time. A new job, new colleagues and new challenging cases faced her and she was excited but also scared and nervous.

This was her moment, her time to shine and show everyone what she could do. Her amazing medical skills, procedures and techniques that this hospital had yet to see. She was a fresh breath of air blowing through the big building, sweeping up everyone in her way with her charm and wit, her pale blue eyes and attractive features and the most adorable dimples on her rosy cheeks. A picture perfect, her brother use to say. A picture perfect that wasn't so perfect, Arizona thought.

She might be attractive and charming but if you didn't know her well enough you couldn't possibly see her big secret she tried so desperately hard to hide from people around her.

Arizona Robbins had only one leg. Her left leg was only a small stump. From mid thigh down there was nothing but a prosthetic limb functioning as the leg she lost in a plane crash two years ago flying across two states with other surgeons carrying valuable donated organs that were needed for a dying child. It was not until Arizona came to and saw her own bone, her own femur, sticking out through pierced skin, that she realized what had happened.

For four days they were lost in the woods before being rescued. Four days, that had been the worst days of her life, passed in a painfilled agonizing haze. Her open fracture got severely infected and had to be amputated after numerous failed attempts of trying to save it. This was now her life, her one legged life, and it was rather recently she had come to terms with the fact that it was gone and had began to accept it.

She had no limp when she walked. She had refused to walk with a limp and forced herself to walk up straight and not to lean on her healty leg too much. Even though it was extremely painful and difficult at times her efforts had paid off and now there was no reason for anyone to think any different.

Dr Hunt stopped in front of a white wooden door with a sign saying 'Chief Webber' in a fancy eighteen hundredths style writing on it. "Here we are, dr Robbins. It was a pleasure to meet you and I look forward to work with you and have you on our team."

Again Owen extended his hand and Arizona firmly gasped it. "Thank you dr Hunt. I look forward to be on the team. I've heard a lot of good things about this place and it's staff. Being on your team is an honour in itself."

She watched as the tall man disappeared down the corridor before knocking twize on the door in front of her. "Come in." Opening it on command she was met by an older African American man. Bald, large frame but kind eyes.

The blonde approached the desk and the man stood up, revealing his full height. "Dr Webber, I'm Arizona Robbins your new head of pediatrics. It's a pleasure to meet you, sir." His hand was large but warm and held a friendly handshake.

"Ah, dr Robbins, the pleasure is all mine. I've heard so many good things about you and your work. I can't wait to show you around and get you started."

Arizona flashed hr dimples. "Well, let's not waste anymore time then. Let's get to it."

The pediatric ward was big, much bigger than she had expected but that was a good thing. The nurses and the midwives were all nice and friendly, professional but also relaxed and approachable. She was shown all the new equipment the hospital had just received and to Arizona, who was use to work in a small place where they barely had an X ray, this was like Christmas.

"Karev," Webber hollered, "I'd like you to meet your new boss. This is Arizona Robbins the new head of peds. Dr Robbins, this is your right hand dr Alex Karev."

The blonde smiled and shook his hand. "Nice to meet you dr Karev. I'm super excited to be here and can't wait to work with you."

"Wow, you're a perky one." Alex stated.

Chief Webber punched him slightly in the shoulder. "Karev, show some respect towards your new colleague and supervisor."

Arizona giggled. "That's okay, sir. I know I'm perky, I've been told so many times. I guess working with children does that to you."

Karev looked at the two people in front of him like they had three heads each. "Not to me it doesn't. Listen, I've got a screaming kid in 204. I'll see you later Robbins."

Webber gave the blonde a nervous smile. "That's Karev for you. He really is a nice guy and very dedicated to his job. He will always go that extra mile."

"Don't worry chief. I'm sure we'll get on just fine."


	2. Chapter 2

The Secrets That We Keep

Chapter 2

A few days had passed since she first stepped her foot inside SGMW and she was loving every minute. It was such a contrast to her old work place. She was use to chaos, being short staffed and not having the right equipment or medications at hand but here she had everything she needed to make a difference and actually help and save people's lifes. Of course every hospital was chaotic in it's own way but the chaos here was more organized and subtle.

She had been working in Africa, Malawi for three years up until the plane crash two years ago. After the accident she was flown back to America, Boston, for surgery and rehabilitation and a painfull recovery. It was not until now, two years later, that she felt ready and strong enough to go back to work and leave her past behind, thousands of miles away. Arizona was born and raised in Boston. Attended medical school and did her internship there, eventually she got the opportunity to go to Africa and help less fortunate women and children who didn't even have the facilities to clean a minor scrape or cut. She didn't have to think twize before deciding to go.

It had been three long years of witnessing horrendous injuries and a lot of death but also a quite amout of satisfaction. Helping people is what she was trained to do and she wouldn't have it any other way. Being a surgeon ment that you were frequently faced with death and suffering but also survival and recovery. The good outweighs the bad, sometimes not, but that all cimes with the job. You can't save everybody, even with the latest equipment, techniques or procedures out there. It was simply not possible.

"Dr Robbins, I've got the results back from the leukemia kid."

Arizona popped her head up from her paperwork and watched her new colleague and friend Teddy Altman wave a chart up in the air. "Thanks Teds, and I've told you several times to call me Arizona or Zona. You've gotta stop with the whole dr Robbins thing, at least when we're not around patients or other staff."

Teddy nudged her shoulder playfully. "Are you flirting with me, dr Robbins? Is that your way of coming onto me? Should I be worried?"

Teddy had learned her first day working with Arizona that she was openly gay and wasn't seeing anybody. It made dr Altman wonder how an attractive woman like Arizona could be single and that someone hadn't tried to snatch her up after working five days at the hospital. Teddy had told Arizona about this place functioning like a brothel. Attendings sleeping with interns and interns sleeping with nurses and so on. The on call rooms, the hospital provided, were more functioning as booty call rooms and that wild things happened in there. The blonde made a mental note not to stay in one of them.

Giggling at her friends joke she snapped the papers out of her hand and quickly scanned them. "Hmm," she mumbled and bit her lower lip. "Her white blood cells are still abnormal. Im gonna have to switch to a more aggressive approach. Damn! I thought she was doing better." she sighed and ran her fingers through her hair.

"You can't save everybody, Zona. We do what we can." Teddy placed a soothing hand on her shoulder and gave it a squeeze. "You should go and lay down for a while. You've been on your feet for almost twenty hours. I'll page you if there's an emergency." Teddy literally pushed the blonde away from the nurses station where they were presently standing and watched as she tiredly shuffled down the hall.

She was indeed tired and a nap would do her good. The room was dim lit and empty. Making her way down towards the bunk beds in the far corner she sighed and stiffled a yawn. She bent her knees and attempted to sit down.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you." The voice came out of nowhere and gave Arizona such a freight she stood up so quickly and slammed her head into the bed frame above.

"Ow, fuck me!" The blonde cradled her head as she hissed in pain.

She instantly felt a warm hand on top of her own. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to scare you, I thought that you had seen me when you walked in." The stranger led the bonde towards a nearby chair. "Here have a seat and let me take a look at your head."

Arizona sat down and relaxed under the gentle touch. Curiosity got the better of her and the need to face this stranger became too much. Lifting her head she was faced with the most beautiful woman she had ever seen. She blinked in confusion, thinking that the blow must have caused her to hallucinate or maybe even die and gone to heaven. The big brown eyes, plump red lips and jet black wavy hair fell down this woman's broad shoulders. Her skin was tanned and smooth and it took Arizona all the willpower she had not to reach out and touch the incredibly sexy woman in front of her. "Beautiful." she unconsciously murmured.

The stranger smiled slightly and raise her eyebrows in an amused manner. "Well, thank you. You're not so bad yourself. But my real name is dr Torres, Callie Torres." the brunette let her fingers grace across the blonde's scalp, checking for any injuries, but was relieved when all she could feel was a small bump.

Arizona still looked confused, like she was in a haze or floating around in a little bubble, oblivious to the world around. She opened her mouth to speak. "Um, I... It's... I'm... what?"

Callie couldn't help but to smile at the pretty blonde and found herself lightly brushing her fingertips down a smooth cheek. She thought for a second that the dazed woman had actually leaned into her touch but she wasn't sure. "Don't worry, I have this affect on women. It's a gift, really but also a curse." she winked at the blonde and reached out her hand. "And you are?"

Arizona snapped into reality and held the offered hand. "Oh sorry. Im dr Robbins, Arizona Robbins. Nice to meet you, although I wish it had been under different circumstances."

Callie found herself not wanting to let go of the hand she was firmly holding, but realized that it would be extremely awkward if she didn't, so she let her arm sink to her side. "Yeah, sorry about that." there was a short silence before Callie's face lit up. "Oh, dr Robbins! You're the new head of peds, right? The whole hospital has been talking about you for weeks." she watched as Arizona's face grew serious and slighly pale. "Only good things." she quickly added, not wanting the blonde to think that the staff had been talking bad about her. "Only good things." she softly repeated.

Arizona smiled and felt herself blush from her reaction. "Well, thank you dr Torres for... making me hit my head and make a fool out of myself."

Callie chuckled nervously. "Any time." she was just about to leave when she stopped dead in her tracks and turned. "Um, were you planning on taking a nap? I'm just asking because, well since you're new, you should know that these bed sheets are probably not the cleanest if you know what I mean. Considering the human traffic passing through this door." the latina was fidgeting with the stethoscope around her neck.

"Oh!" Arizona stated and took a full circular view of the room. "Oh!" she repeated again but louder, finally understanding what Callie was referring to. "Ew, that is gross."

"Yeah," Callie replied. "Um, come on, I'll show you something." she grabbed Arizona by the elbow and led her down the corridor, rounded a few corners and took a flight of stairs that were hidden away from view.

"Um, dr Torres? Where are you taking me? If this is your way of telling me that you're attracted to me and want to bed me then all you had to do was say so."

Callie laughed at the blonde's sense of humour. "Don't worry, I'm not gonna take advantage of you." the brunette suddenly came to a halt. "This, is my sanctuary."

Arizona took in the sight before her. Callie had led her into a secluded part of the hospital where empty trollies, stretchers and beds were lined up against the wall. There were blankets neatly folded on a small nightstand nearby and Arizona could make out two beds already made at the far end of the wall.

"I always come here to relax or sleep. Nobody really knows about this place, just me and a couple of others but they rather sleep in the on call rooms where they tend to unwind in a different kind of way. The two beds at the far end have clean bed sheets in them, changed them myself this morning. You're more than welcome to use this as your get away place whenever you want and need to." she gestured for Arizona to make herself at home. "Um, I have a surgery in twenty minutes. A hip replacement but I'll see you later. Sleep tight."

Before Callie had a chance to turn Arizona gently took her hand and squeezed it firmly. "Thank you, Callie, for showing me this place. I really appreciate it."

Callie looked up from their locked hands and into Arizona's sincere blue eyes and saw the beauty in them. "You're welcome." the brunette replied with a shy smile.


	3. Chapter 3

The Secrets That We Keep

Chapter 3

The cafeteria was busy. Interns, attendants, nurses, patients and visitors everywhere. Arizona grabbed a portion of lasagne, a side salad and a carton of milk and headed for Teddy's table where Karev and Hunt was seated. Teddy had a really big crush on Owen but didn't know how to tell him even though Arizona was certain that he knew about it from the way Altman constantly drooled over him. "Hi guys, mind if I join the party?" the blonde asked nd sat down.

Karev snorted. "Isn't much of a party. Im more like the third wheel next to the love struck teenagers that can't keep their eyes off each other."

Teddy glared at Alex and her face became scarlet. "Alex!" she hissed between her teeth.

Arizona just chuckled and dug into her salad feeling how hungry she really was. Owen got paged shortly after which left the three of them by the table. "I can't believe you Alex." Teddy argued. "Stay out of my love life you little shit." a large fry was thrown at him which he greatfully picked up and ate.

"There's not much there to actually stay out of. Just kiss and get naked already. You're not getting any younger and neither am I so just get it over and done with. I'm sick of watching you two stare at each other's asses all day."

Before Teddy could say anything mean back Arizona held her hands up in protest. "Okay, time out kids. Im starving, I'm tired and I don't want to sit here and listen to your kinder garden manners, and Karev," she glanced at her watch, "don't you have a surgery in thirty minutes?" Alex stood and grabbed another frensh fry from Teddy's plate before quickly walking away.

"If I didn't feel so sorry for him I would gladly smuther him with a pillow."

A loud laugh echoed through the spacious room and Arizona knew who it belonged to. Turning her head in the direction of the sound she saw Callie sitting a few tables away telling her friends a funny story. They all seemed to like what she had to say because every single one was laughing. A middle aged man with greyish hair, quite attractive and well built sat next to the latina and leaned in to whisper something in her ear. Callie giggled and playfully elbowed the man in the side before taking another bite of her food.

The blonde instantly disliked the man. She wasn't sure but from where she was sitting you could easily mistaken them for a couple just by the way they acted around each other and how physical they seemed to be. Teddy grinned when she saw who Arizona was looking at and took a sip of her water.

"Callie Torres, um?"

The blonde turned around to look at her friend. "Did you say something?"

"You like her don't you?" Altman asked.

"Who?" Arizona grabbed her fork and took a bite of her luke warm lasagne. She didn't really want to talk about this but knew that Teddy wouldn't give up so easily.

"Oh please! You know who I'm talking about. Look, just try to get to know her a bit better and then ask her out. I've heard she plays for both sides of the team. I think she use to go out with a surgeon that use to work here, Erica Hann I believe her name was. Anyway, didn't work out and she left without saying goodbye."

Blue eyes saddened as she let them wander towards a still smiling brunette. "Not even to Callie?" she asked softly, feeling sorry for the latina and found herself getting angry at dr Hann for just leaving.

"Nope, not even to Callie. There were rumours going around saying that Erica turned psycho and wouldn't leave Callie alone o she had to get a restraining order to keep her away so Erica had no other choice but to leave." Teddy looked at Arizona's sad expression. "Hey, it's only a rumour. It may not be true."

The blonde just sighed and sunk down further into the wooden chair.

"Okay, Karev. Ashley the leukemia kid in room 214 is not responding to her treatment. We need to come up with a more invasive approach and inform the parents. What do you suggest?"

Karev didn't hesitate before giving his answer. "Intense chemotherapy. Extra drugs like L-asparaginase, doxorubicin or dexamethasone could be administered and then we'll take it from there."

Arizona sighed in content. "Great approach dr Karev. That's exactly what I would've done myself. I'll inform the parents and then we'll get started, no need to waste precious time."

Just like chief Webber had said, dr Karev had proved himself to be very well able and confident in himself and his work and that's exactly what Arizona was looking for. She couldn't be more pleased by having Alex as her right hand and second in command.

The days seemed to be passing by quickly. There was always patients to be seen, to treat and to consult. It was all apart of the job and she loved it. Sure the hours and the shifts were all over the place but since she had no family and no one to come home to, she didn't mind her chaotic life. The tiny humans were depending on her and her magic sparkly fairy dust.

Arizona rounded a corner on her way to the cafeteria for a cup of coffee when she accidentally bumped into someone. She stumbled backwards slightly and grabbed a hold of the wall to steady herself. "Oh, sorry! I didn't see you there."

"Don't be sorry, blondie. I could bump into you any day."

Raising her eyebrows she lifted her head and was met with the man she had seen earlier talking to Callie at lunch. He flashed his perfectly white teeth in a smug grin and eyed her from top to toe making her feel like she was a piece of meat displayed with a sale sign on the butcher's counter. "Excuse me?" she said, shocked from the man's remark.

"I'm just saying as I see it, blondie. You're hot, can you blame me?"

"Mark, what are... Oh, dr Robbins, how are you?" Callie came around the corner and noticed the perplexed expression on the blonde's face and sighed in annoyance. "Mark, what did you say to her?"

"You know blondie?" Mark asked surprised, flickering his eyes between the two women.

Callie slapped him hard on his shoulder. "Mark, she has a name." She turned towards Arizona with an apologetic frown. "Sorry about him. He just don't know when to shut up and he also doesn't know how to apologize so I'm gonna do it for him."

Ignoring her male friend, rubbing his sore upper arm in a dramatic manner, she turned to face blue puzzled eyes. "Dr Robbins, this is dr Mark Sloan also known as the manwhore of the entire hospital. He's in plastics, which you can tell by his smug and obnoxious attitude. He likes women... a lot and would come onto anyone or anything that has a pair of boobs." she then turned to face her friend.

"Mark, this is dr Arizona Robbins. She's in peds and is way out of your league. Waaay out."

Sloan shruggd, looking a bit disappointed. "God loves a tryer." then he went silent, tilted his head to one side amd frowned. "Robbins... Arizona Robbins. That sounds familiar. Why does your name ring a bell? Tell me we didn't have sex in the past because I would remember someone like you."

The blonde laughed nervously. "Um, no trust me you're not my type... at all."

Callie tried to stiffle her giggles by placing her hand over her mouth. Mark gave her a look that said 'shut the fuck up' before something dawned on him. "Oh, you're thee Robbins. You did a lot of work in Africa. I read an article about you and the great job you did down there before the crash happened. If you want I can take a look at your scar and see if I can do some improvements. I'm quite amazing with a scalpel."

Callie looked over at Arizona and watched as her face went dangerously pale, almost ashen, but before she could say or do anything, the blonde pushed her way through and took off in a high speed down the corridor.

Callie and Mark were left stunned by the blonde's reaction and by the ghostly colour on her face.

"What was that about? Why did you have to upset her? Can't you just shut your god damned mouth for once, Mark?" Callie was annoyed but also curious as to what had caused the blonde to storm off like she did.

Mark seemed just as confused as Callie and cratched his head. "Well, I didn't know it was still a sensitive topic. It happened like two years ago or something. I just thought that she was open and okay with it." he did his best to defend himself but he had to admit that he felt bad for upsetting her like that.

"Open and okay with what?" the brunette raised her hands in a questioning manner. "What is going on? Did I miss something?"

Sloan swallowed and looked a bit guilty and ashamed. "Um, I don't know how much I should tell you. I don't know all the details myself."

"Well, you obviously know more than me, so spill." Callie demanded.

Sighing, Mark crossed his arms over his chest. "I read an article about her not so long ago. She did voluntary work in Malawi, Africa for three years. She was like a goddess to the people there." he paused for a few seconds before continuing. "Apparently there was some kind of plane crash and she lost her leg. It took four days before they were rescued. That's all I know, Torres."

Callie was standing there with her mouth open thinking how awful it must have been for everyone who was on that plane. Who survives a plane crash? What had happened? Why did it take four days for them to be found? Why, what, where, when and how? All these questions were running around inside Callie's brain, trying to make sense of it all but it was useless. She was also mad at her best friend for being so forward and tactless in his manner and approach. She had to follow Arizona to make sure she was okay and, again, apologize for her friend's behavior.

"I have to make sure she's okay. It looked like she was about to have a heart attack. Well done Mark, well done." again she gave him a good whack on the same spot as before, knowing it would cause him more physical pain. "Manwhore." she mumbled as she followed the tracks of the pretty blonde.


	4. Chapter 4

The Secrets That We Keep

Chapter 4

Callie looked everywhere for the upset blonde. In every call room, every supply closet, the OR board and her office but she was nowhere to be found. "Damn you Mark." she mumbled under her breath as she continued down to the cafeteria. She quickly scanned the area but still no luck. Suddenly she remember showing Arizona the secluded area where she could relax and get some shut eye.

Callie was out of breath by the time she reached the top of the stairs where she thought the woman was hiding. Just as she thought, Arizona was absentmindedly looking out through a small window, standing with her back towards Callie.

The brunette didn't want to scare her by walking up unannounced so she cleared her throat as she stepped closer. Very subtle, she thought. The blonde jumped slightly at the sound and turned.

It broke Callie's heart to see that she had been crying and there were still tears present, brimming in her hurt eyes. Her face was slightly flushed and her hair was disheveled. Must be from the running, the latina decided. Arizona quickly wiped at the tears and placed a fake smile on her lips. A smile that didn't how off her adorable dimples. "Dr Torres? I didn't hear you coming up. My apologies."

Callie was now only a few feet away from the smaller woman and could tell that she was avoiding eye contact at any cost, obviously embarrassed from being caught crying. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you I just wanted to make sure you're okay. Mark is an ass sometimes and... no, hold on, Mark is an ass a lot of the time and I wanted to apologize on his behalf. I don't trust him to do it himselfbsince he would probably screw that up too." she chuckled, feeling a bit uneasy and wasn't sure how to handle this delicate situation. "Um, what I'm trying to say is that Mark is really a good guy when you get to know him and he didn't mean anything bad about what he said. He's just... just... Mark."

Callie took a step closer and layed a hand on Arizona's shoulder. "Are you okay?" she asked with concern in her voice.

Fake smiling again Arizona just shrugged and let out a pathetic sound that was suppose to be a laugh of some sort. "Yeah, I'm perfectly fine. I just remembered that I had something to do earlier and had to leave in a hurry. I'm sorry."

Callie was not convinced. "You have nothing to be sorry for. Look, if it's about what Mark said about the..."

"Oh," Arizona interrupted and started to fish around in the pocket of her white lab coat. Pulling out her pager she studied it for half a second. "911, gotta go." she stated and walked around Callie.

"I didn't hear it go off." the taller woman softly added.

Arizona was already on her way down the stairs. "Eh, I had it on silent." she lied between her teeth. "I'll see you later dr Torres."

"But..." Callie stopped herself. Arizona was already gone and the brunett was left alone, thinking about what had just happened.

"Yang?" Callie shouted at the asian woman trying to catch up with her. "Wanna go to Joe's tonight? I feel like tequila... like a while bottle of tequila. You in?"

Christina Yang pursed her lips and squinted her eyes at her friend. "Callie, would I ever say no to tequila?"

The latina frowned and snorted. "No."

"Then I'm in. Eightish?"

"Cool. See you then."

The rest of Callie's shift was busy but by eight she was finished. "Damn, I'm gonna be late." she muttered to herself as she quickly got changed in the locker room. Joe's bar was located just across the way from the hospital and a lot of surgeons and doctors went there after their shifts for a drink of two, just to relax and laugh the stress of the day away. Joe was the owner and bartender and knew Callie and most of the hospital crowd by name.

Yang was already sitting by the bar counter, a bottle of their favourite golden liquid and two shot glasses. "You're late, Torres." she simply stated as she poured them both a drink.

"Well, I'm here now so let's just keep drinking until we forget our names." she grabbed her glass and held it up to make a toast. "To us badasses and our hardcore jobs." they swigged it, no salt or lemon needed, and felt the spirit burn their throats as it trickled down. "Wow," Callie pulled a grimace and tried to shake the bitter taste away. "Let's have another." they repeated their toast and drank it all up in one swallow.

"Hey," Yang said, "have you seen the new head of peds? She's hot and I'm not even gay, not even a little bit, but damn she's hot. Would you do her?" Christina took another swig of her glass then she chuckled. "Hell, I almost would."

Torres rolled her eyes at her slightly tipsy friend. "She has a name, Yang and it's Arizona Robbins, but yeah she's very attractive."

Yang slapped her arm, her eyes growing wide. "Oh my god, you like her!?" Callie just snorted in response. "You so like her, Torres. Oh my god, you have the hots for the new ped surgeon." Christina clapped her hands in delight, loving new gossip that she could spread around the hospital. "Is she gay? Did you ask her? Why don't you ask her out? I bet she's incredible in bed, she just has that look you know. The crazy wild sex look, like a puma or a panther but blonde so maybe like a lion or a cheetah of some kind or like a..."

"Yang, shut it. You always get too yappi after a few drinks. Have another one, it might shut you up." Callie interrupted her constant blabber and poured her a refill. "Bottoms up!"

As they drank their fourth tequila Yang almost choked on it and Callie looked over just in time to see the yellow liquid squirt out from the asian woman's nostrils. "Ew, gross Christina. You're suppose to drink it, not snort it. Here, I'll pour you another."

Yang firmly laid a hand on Callie's shoulder but her eyes were fixed on something behind the latina which Callie couldn't see. "She's here." she stated. "The puma or the mountain lion or whatever. She's here."

Callie turned and followed Yang's stare. There, just by the front entrance was Arizona. She was with Teddy and another woman from peds that Callie only knew by face. She watched as the two adorable dimples appeared as the blonde laughed at something Teddy had said. Arizona was wearing tight dark blue jeans, a pale blue silky shirt, to match her eye colour, and a pair of black peep toe heels. Her hair was pulled back into two side frensh braids and Callie thought she was the most precious thing she had ever seen.

"Callie? Earth to Callie? Hello?" Yang tapped her shoulder for attention.

"What?" the latina said, not letting her eyes tear themselves from the pretty blonde.

"Stop staring. You're gonna get caught." Christina forecefully turned her around. "Down girl." she commanded.

Callie suddenly freaked out. "Oh my god, she can not see me like this. I'm drunk and... and... not making sense and I don't wanna make a fool out of myself. Think of something Yang?! Hide me!"

Christina raised her eyebrows in confusion. "Eh, you're sitting by a bar in plain sight, where do you want me to hide you? In my pocket?"

Callie was nervous and tried to make herself as small as she possibly could by sinking down on the chair and slumping her shoulders. "I'm thinking, Yang."

"Well, you better think quick because Teddy just spotted us and they're coming this way. If you can magically disappear into thin air then now would be a good time to do so."

The brunette suddenly scooted closer to her friend, leaned down on the counter top and rested her head in her right hand. "Put your arm around me." she demanded.

Christina looked at her friend as if she had grown three heads. "What? No fucking way, Torres. I'm not gonna play homo with you."

"Christina please. Just pretend that I'm upset and crying and hopefully they'll stay away." Callie looked at Yang who was still not moving. "Put your god damned arm around me, Yang. I'll pay next month's rent." she pleaded.

In an instant Yang threw her arms around her friend and rubbed her back in a soothing manner. As Teddy and Arizona made their way towards them they watched as Christina gave them an apologetic frown as she continued to pat her friends back, making them believe that Callie was really upset and was in no mood to talk.

Teddy understood, grabbed Arizona's hand and headed in another direction. Arizona, on the other hand, couldn't help but to worry slightly about what could have made Callie so upset. She offered Christina a sad smile as Teddy dragged her to a nearby table to sit down.

Christina continued to hold Callie in a firm grasp. A minute passed, then two and Yang made no attempt of letting go. "Um, Yang?" no answed, "Yang?" she spoke in a louder voice, "You can let me go now."


	5. Chapter 5

The Secrets That We Keep

Chapter 5

A week had passed since the incident in the bar and Callie and Arizona had not seen each other since. Both of their schedules had been busy and especially Arizona had spent most of her time at the hospital pulling dubbles and working several night shifts. She was exhausted but knowing that she made a difference in people's lifes made it easier and tolerable.

"Hi sweets. How is my favourite patient today?" the blonde poked her head into Ashley's room. She had recently started her intense chemotherapy and new medication and Arizona wanted to know how she was responding to the treatment. The little eight year old girl laid in her bed, a bandana wrapped around her bald head, her features pale and pasty and her eyes dull and tired.

"Zona!" the little girl's face lit up slightly as the doctor sat down on the side of her bed and took a cold hand in her own one.

"Hi munchkin. How are you feeling?" Arizona tucked the covers tighter around Ashley's small frame.

"My tummy hurts and I feel sick." the brown lifeless eyes tugged at the blonde's heartstrings and the weak voice was no more than a whisper.

Smiling sympathetically, Arizona stroked her cheek. "Well, do you know what I do when I feel sick?" Ashley shook her head. "I close my eyes and I think back on the happiest day of my life. I remember that day so clearly. It was my sixth birthday and I had been annoying my dad the whole year that I wanted a puppy. I woke up that morning by a wet tongue licking my face. I had gotten what I really wanted. I named him Bruno cause of his colouring and he was the most adorable little puppy I had ever seen. I was so happy that my wish had come true." Ashley was smiling at the story but the smile never reached her tired eyes. "What's the happiest day of your life? Will you tell me about it?"

Ashley bit her lip, thinking hard before answering. "When my baby brother was born so I had someone to play with around the house. I wish he was here so we could play now." the girl lowered her head looking sad and drained.

"I know you do, sweets. Im sure he'll come visit you tomorrow and maybe you can play then, uh?" Ashley nodded and tried to smile even though she barely had the strength to hold her head up. "I'll tell you what." Arizona leaned in closer and lowered her voice. "If you think really hard about your baby brother, so hard that it makes you smile, the I'll be back in about fifteen minutes with some ice cream. Would you like that?"

Tired eyes suddenly didn't look so tired anymore. "Yes, please dr Zona."

The blonde giggled. "Great, what's your absolute favourite flavor?"

"Strawberry!" Ashley quickly stated happily.

"I'll see what I can do, munchkin. Now, close your eyes and think about your brother and what you would play if he was here with you. I'll be back in a little bit with some of that ice cream sprinkled with fairy dust to make you feel better."

The blonde knew that as soon as Ashley ate the ice cream, it would more than likely, find it's own way back up again but that was a normal occurrence when a patient was having an aggressive chemo treatment. Ice cream or no ice cream, Arizona just wanted to make her feel happy and cared for during her stay and treatment.

Arizona had always felt attached and sympathetic towards children and she would do almost anything just to add the slightest of light and joy into their lifes, including the parents. It was a tough job and career to work with sick children but Arizona wouldn't have it any other way. This is what she wanted to do her whole life and she took pride and confidence from it. The time she had spent in Africa she had lost more patients than she could count because of the lacking in facilities, staff and knowledge to save some of them.

It was infuriating to know that, in America, a simple vaccine or a medicine that some people took for granted could save so many lifes in a poor country. But they did what they could with the resources they had. Sometimes it was enough, sometime it wasn't. She would have loved to stay but after the accident she was physically limited to do much, and now, she knew that she wasn't emotionally ready to do anything like that again.

Arizona had only been gone for ten minutes when she approached Ashley's room with a papper cup, two big scoops of ice cream, sprinkled with golden edible glitter. It looked very appetizing and Arizona kind of wished she had gotten one for herself too.

"Whoa, Robbins! I didn't see you there. How are you?"

Arizona looked into brown eyes belonging to the latina and took a step back to put more space between the two. "Um, Torres hi!"

"Are we having an ice cream break?" Callie asked, smiling widely at the pretty blonde in front of her.

Arizona looked puzzled until she finally realized what the brunette was referring to. "Oh no, no, this is not for me, it's for a patient. She was feeling a bit down so I offered to bring her something nice." Callie nodded and there was an awkward silence. "Um, how are you? Are you feeling a bit better?"

Callie could see the concern in the blue eyes but she had no idea of what Arizona was talking about. "Um, last time I saw you, you looked a bit upset."

"Oh yeah!" Callie knew she was talking about that time in the bar when Christina had thrown her arms around her, trying to concole a fake crying Callie. "Um, yeah I'm... I'm a lot better, thanks. That was..." she waved her hand in the air, trying to say that it was nothing important, "it was... nothing. Nothing at all. I'm all good."

Another awkward moment passed, nerves and tension evident in the air. Arizona finally broke it, "Um, I better give this to Ashley before it melts. It was nice to see you again dr Torres."

"Oh, just call me Callie. I believe we are passed formalities at this stage. See you later, Arizona." the brunette gave her a wink before passing her out and hurried down the isle.

The blonde was left alone, feeling a warmth spread through her body, butterflies fluttering around in her stomach and a goofy grin crept up on her face. Callie had just called her by her first name and she immediately liked the way the latina said it. The way it rolled on her tongue and how her lips formed around the 'o' made her involuntary shiver. And had Callie just winked at her? Was she flirting or was it just Callie being friendly and charming? No, it was definitely a flirt, no doubt about it.

Arizona snapped back into reality and headed towards the little girl's room who was waiting patiently for her strawberry flavored ice cream.

"Teddy, I'm telling you that I'm fine."

"You're not fine, Zona. I can see the circles under your eyes, you've lost some weight and you look pale and exhausted. You're not fooling me, Robbins."

Arizona sighed and gave the chart she was scribbling on back to the nurse behind the desk. "Unless you haven't noticed, this job can be extremely stressful and I've been working a lot lately. You know how things get, Teds. I'm okay, nothing I can't handle."

Teddy didn't look convinced and kept pushing. "Are you sleeping okay? Are you sleeping at all? How about you appetite, any changes?" she could see her friend deteriorate in front of her very eyes and she was not going to stand by and do nothing. They had become very close over the few weeks that Arizona had worked in the hospital. They were comfortable around each other and they talked about almost anything. Teddy knew about the plane crash and some horrific events that had taken place in Africa. Teddy had been a surgeon in a war zone in Afghanistan herself so they had something in common, something they could trust each other with and also respect each other when a case suddenly hit too close to home.

"Teddy please, just drop it. I just haven't been sleeping well lately, it's nothing to worry about. I don't worry about it and neither should you. Just let it go, Teds." the blonde was peaking the truth. She hadn't had a full nights sleep in over a week and it was taking it's toll on her mind and body. She had nightmares about the crash, as well as gruesome cases she had experienced in Malawi and she couldn't put her mind at rest. Every time she laid down and cloed her eyes the mental picture came flashing across her retina and she would eventually give up and keep herself busy instead. The pictures and memories faded slightly that way and things became just bearable and tolerable.

She thought she was over the nightmares. She hadn't had a single one in months and things were finally looking up. Maybe the stress was getting to her and somehow bringing up things she though was dealt with and in the past, but recently the bad dreams had returned but more vivid and stronger than before. She knew she needed sleep but her mind wouldn't let her.

Teddy sighed in defeat. "Fine, but if I see those circles under your eyes has turned a shade darker or if you loose another pound, I will do something about it." Arizona just gave her a glare but didn't verbally answer.

She was exhausted. Tired to the bone. She knew it was just a matter of time before she would collapse and make a fool of herself. When she finally got a quiet moment she decided to go and lay down for a while. The place Callie had taken her to had become a place of peace and comfort, somewhere she could switch off and escape the madness for a bit. Closing her eyes she immediately fell into a deep but wary sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

The Secrets That We Keep

Chapter 6

Callie pushed the OR doors open and tossed her bloodied gloves into the trash as well as her scrubs. A six hour surgery that had gone exactly to plan and a great outcome. The patient would have no permanent damage in his leg, no physical reminders and no scarring. A success.

The brunette was tired after spending so many hours on her feet. Sighing, she quickly got changed into a pair of clean scrubs and headed to her sanctuary for some much needed rest.

When she reached the secluded area it was just getting dark outside and the room was dimly lit. As she sat down on the nearest bed something caught her eye. A feet away, on another bed, layed Arizona. Her blonde hair sprawled across the pillow, lips slightly open and soft snores came from the sleeping form. Callie smiled at the sight and layed down on her side facing the blonde. She studied her closely until her eyes could no longer stay open and she succumbed to sleep.

A piercing scream filled the room and Callie instantly sat up, assessing the situation and her surroundings. Her heart was beating fast in her chest and her eyes wide from being startled from her slumber. Yes, she was in her secluded place. Yes, she had laid down to rest. Yes, she had fallen asleep. Yes, she had just woken up from a blood curdling scream.

She turned her attention towards her left side and saw Arizona sitting up, knees pulled up to her chest and head lowered, hiding her face. Callie could see the petite houlders shake as stiffled sobs passed through the upset woman's throat. The latina got up and carefully made her way towards Arizona, clearing her throat slightly as to not give her a freight. When she was close enough to touch her, Callie cautiously placed a hand on a trembling shoulder.

"Hey, Arizona. You okay?" there was no answer and Callie tried again. "It's me, Callie." she stated as she sat down next to her. "What happened? Are you okay?"

The concern was evident in Callie's voice and face. She wanted to make sure Arizona was alright, she needed to see her face and physically hear it from the blonde herself to believe it. Arizona however did not budge and struggled to keep her sobs in control. She was embarrassed that Callie had to see her like this, crying and upset. She just wanted the ground to open up underneath and swallow her whole.

"Arizona, please," Callie pleaded, "I need to know that you're okay. Can you look at me?"

The blonde quickly dried her tears and did her best to act and sound as normal as she could. "I'm fine," she said, putting on a fake smile that never reached her eyes, "I'm okay. Nothing to worry about." she shrugged away from Callie's touch and slowly stood up. "I should get back to work. Sorry if I woke you up. Go back to sleep."

Callie frowned. Why was she acting like nothing had happened? "Arizona, I can see that you're not alright. What happened? Do you wanna talk about it?"

Smiling through her tears she angrily brushed them away with the back of her hand. "No, no. I'm fine Callie, honestly." she headed towards the stairs, a plastred smile still on her blotchy face and disappeared.

Callie was left thinking about what had just happened. Arizona did scream right? I'm not just imagining this, am I? What the hell just happened? Callie was confused and puzzled and didn't quite understand why the blonde had reacted the way she did. Sitting back down on her bed she rubbed her tired eyes with the palm of her hands and sighed. It was completely dark outside and her watch showed 11.43 pm. Knowing she wouldn't be able to go back to sleep, she got up and got ready for rounds. But first, a cup of coffee.

"You look a bit better. Did you get some sleep?" Teddy asked her friend.

"Yeah, I dozed off for a few hours. You were right, I needed it." Arizona smiled and prayed that Teddy would just drop the subject. Relief spread through her body as Alex Karev passed and Arizona saw her escape.

"Alex!" she quickly approached him leaving Teddy behind. "How is Ashley doing?"

Karev sighed. "Not so good. She's not responding to the treatment as well as I hoped. Im waiting for her results to come back from the lab to see if the cancer has spread or not."

The blonde's face fell at the bad news. "Okay, just keep me in the loop, Karev."

It was lunchtime and Arizona heard her stomach screaming for food. As usual the cafeteria was busy but the blonde found an empty table in a quiet corner and sat down. She had decided on a portion of fries, a side salad, a cheese burger and a carton of milk. As she ate she fished out her phone from her lab coat and began playing candy crush. She had been stuck on the same level for almost week now but felt hopeful that now was the time she would pass. Fifteen minutes passed and she was now on her last life with only a few moves left. It didn't look like she was gonna make it this time either but she decied to continue until she was out of moves.

Suddenly a tray was placed on the opposite side of the table which caused Arizona to jump in surprise.

"Hi!" Callie happily greeted and sat down.

A beeping noise came from Arizona's phone and across the screen it said, 'level completed'. "Yes!" the blonde cheered and clapped her hands together like a little girl.

Callie looked slightly startled but maintained her smile. "Wow, I've never had that reaction from a woman before but I take that as a compliment." again the brunette gave Arizona a mischievous grin and a wink.

Blushing slightly Arizona popped two fries into her mouth. "Well, you must be my lucky charm." she took a sip of her milk. "I've been stuck on this level on candy crush for about a week and I thought I wasn't gonna make it, but then you showed up and I passed." she clapped her hands once more. "I think that deserves a toast." the blonde grabbed her milk carton and held it up in front of her. "To Callie for making me pass this difficult level. May her powers bless others."

Chuckling at Arizona's silliness, Callie offered her a toast before taking a mouthful of her coffee. "You drink milk with cheesburger and fries?"

Blue eyes looked into brown. "I drink milk to almost anything. Pizza, sushi, mexican, you name it. It's good for your bones, you should know that, being in ortho and all. It's all about the calcium."

Callie looked amused but she couldn't help but to think how adorable the blonde was and how her smile was contagious. "That's true, if you're a child and your bones are still growing. In your case I don't think it has the same affect." she placed her hand on top of Arizona's and looked sympathetically into her eyes. "I'm sorry, Arizona but you are no longer a child. You have to accept that and move on."

"Haha." Arizona stated, feeling her skin burn underneath the latina's hand, secretly hoping that Callie would keep it there for an extra second or two. "I'm just so in touch with my inner child that I sometimes forget that I'm a grown woman."

Callie grinned and gave the hand she was holding a gentle squeeze before letting go. She sighed at the loss of contact and immediately missed the soft skin on hers. "So, where is your other half?"

Arizona instantly knew she was talking about Teddy. "Surgery." she simply answered, finishing the last of her milk. "Valve replacement."

Callie nodded, took a bite of her salad before locking her eyes with the blonde again, looking at her intensely. "How are you doing?"

Arizona insantly became uncomfortable and fidgety, desperate to leave of switch to another topic. She knew by the look on Callie's face that she wasn't asking just in general but asking out of concern and interest. The blonde put a smile on her face, hoping that it would be enough to convince the brunette that she was okay. "I'm fine," she answered cheerfully, "how are you?" Arizona knew it was a lame excuse and attempt to change the subject or change the direction on where the subject was going.

The latina got the hint and decided not to push. "I'm good. I've been really busy lately. Surgeries, rounds, consults, post ops, the joys of being a doctor, uh? I can't complain though. I love it and wouldn't change anything for the world." she shot her head up very suddenly, "No wait, I take that back. I would change the early mornings. Mornings are the worst and they always come early."

Arizona giggled. "That's why they're called mornings, silly. I can tell you're not a morning person then?"

"God no. Mornings are not my cup of tea, especially when I'm being paged in the ass crack of dawn." Arizona laughed out loud and Callie felt herself so drawn toward this woman and would do almost anything just to hear her laugh again. "I bet you're a morning person, aren't you? I kind of get that vibe."

"Yeah, I love mornings. Especially in autumn when the trees have so many different colours and the air is cold and crisp. It makes everything clearer somehow."

Callie could see the distant look in the blue eyes as she said the last sentence and was just about to ask her about it when Arizona's pager went off. It was a 911 to the pit. "I've gotta go. Emergency." she stated. "I'll see you around, Callie."

The brunette frowned as she watched Arizona walk away. There was something about the blonde that Callie couldn't put her finger on. She was drawn to her and found herself feeling lost.


	7. Chapter 7

The Secrets That We Keep

Chapter 7

Two weeks had passed since that day Arizona had seen Callie in the cafeteria. Two weeks since she had passed that level on candy crush and two weeks since she had that nightmare and almost lost it in front of the brunette. Now, two weeks later and seven levels passed of the highly addicted game, nothing had changed, yet nothing was the same.

Arizona had lost patient before. Many in fact. Especially down in Africa where they had no proper care system or enough medication or doctors. It was hard to lose a patient even though most of them were just strangers passing in and out through the hospital. You had a job to do everything in your power to make things better for that single person. Make it bearable, less painful, tend to their needs and make them as comfortable as possible. You did everything, and even though you have all the equipment, all the doctors, all the medication and all the facilities sometimes it's just not enough. Losing patients here, in Seattle, was more frustrating than losing patients in Malawi. There, you did what you could with the little you had. Here, where you have an endless supply of everything that you need and even then it was still not enough.

It was a wet day. A grey, cold, dark and wet day. The weather didn't help Arizona's dull and low mood, in fact, it was contributing to it, feeding it and maintaining it. It was another busy day a SGMW. Why couldn't people stay indoors when it rained? Why do they have to get into their cars, drive away and come back on a stretcher? Why not turn on the tv, order a pizza and snuggle up on the couch with their dog or cat?

The streets below had quickly turned into rivers and the traffic was at a stand still. It was chaos out there. Horns beeping, people shouting and the rain lashing down creating it's own loud noise that pierced through every wall and window.

Today was the day that Arizona had planned on going home early but things didn't look good. It was only three in the afternoon so she could still have an early night for herself. There was plenty of time. The only problem was the god damn weather. The blonde lived about a twenty minute drive from the hospital and there was no way she was driving in this weather. Her options were to wait it out and then drive home or send the night at the hospital again. She was quite sick of sleeping at work. She hadn't seen much of her apartment since she moved here. Working all hours of the day was not exactly ideal which made her a non-homemaker material. "I should've just moved into an on call room instead." Arizona muttered as she watched the rain hitting the glass on the window.

"Oh no! I thought I told you to stay away from those brothels, Robbins."

Arizona jumped and placed a hand on her beting heart. Callie had silently appeared out of nowhere and came up behind the blonde woman's right hand side, making her jump out of her skin from the scare. "Torres!" she breathed hard, "don't do that. I think I just wet my pants."

The brunette chuckled. "Sorry, I saw you standing here obviously lost in your own thoughts and I couldn't resist. Forgive me?"

Looking into those brown puppy dog eyes how could Arizona not forgive her. "Fine but I believe you owe me a pair of pants then."

Callie just laughed at the blonde's sense of humour and held her hand out. "Deal." she said and firmly squeezed Arizona's hand as it came to rest in hers. Then, the brunette turned towards the window herself, looking down at the chaos playing out in front of them. "Jesus, it's crazy out there." Callie stated.

Arizona nodded and snorted slightly. "Yeah. So much for my plans."

"You have plans?" the latina turned towards the blonde, raising her eyebrows in a questioning manner.

"Yeah well, I had planned on finishing up early and just spend the rest of the day in my pyjamas watching shitty tv but it doesn't look like I'm going anywhere soon. I'll just spend another night here I guess."

Callie pursed her lips and thought for a while before she made a decision. "I was just heading home too. I'm off tomorrow so I thought I would finish up early myself and just relax." she bit the inside of her cheek, trying to calm her nerves. "Um, I just live a block down from here so I walk to work. You're more than welcome to come over to my place and hang out until the rain stops. I'll lend you some comfortable clothes and we could order in pizza and watch movies. It's the least I can do for scaring you earlier."

Arizona turned to look at the taller woman standing next to her. "Did you say pizza?"

Smiling Callie showed off her ivory white perfect teeth. "Yeah, with toppings of your choice, I'm not fuzzy. Unless you want anchovies on it, then you can forget it cause anchovies should not be served on a pizza. That's just wrong."

"I love pizza." the blonde happily stated, "and don't worry about the anchovies, fish and pizza do not go well togther. In fact, it should be banned or illegal to serve fish on a pizza."

Callie gave her a dazzling smile again, making her brown eyes twinkle like gold. "Well, what are we waiting for then? Come on, dr Robbins. Let's get our fishless pizza."

The rain was still pouring down. The two women were sitting on Callie's couch, dressed in warm clothes and a blanket each. The bizza box was now empty and so was Callie's coke and Arizona's glass of milk. The latina couldn't help but to smile when she thought back on Arizona's persistent need for drinking milk. It was endearing and kind of cute, she thought. The tv was on but they both found it difficult to focus on the content and the storyline. They were too busy sneaking glances at each other, both curious about the other person's likes and dislikes, wants and needs, secrets or hidden desires.

It was not until Arizona felt herself starting to doze off that she snapped back into the present moment. "I should probably get going. I don't think the traffic is that bad anymore." she started to stand when Callie interrupted.

"It's still raining heavily out there. You can spend the night, there's no problem. I can see you're tired and it's not safe to drive." the brunette genuinely looked concerned and worried.

Arizona was taken aback by the offer. She hardly knew this woman and she was offering her to stay the night because she was worried about her welfare. She didn't know what to say or what to make of it. "Um, that's okay. I don't wanna put you out or intrude. I... I better go." she paused before continuing. "Besides, I'm working tomorrow and I don't have any clean clothes to wear."

"Arizona, please. You're not putting me out or intruding. I offered and it would make me feel better knowing that you're safe and not out there in the cold. You can borrow something of mine to wear. Please, I'd like it if you stayed." she batted her long eyelashes and put on a smile.

Giggling, Arizona shook her head. "You're good at convincing people, you know. How could I say no to that look. It could melt anybody's stone cold heart." she sat back down again and snuggled into the thick blanket.

"Oh, I know." Callie said and wiggled her eyebrows. "It's my specialty. Lots and lots of practice." she noticed how the blonde covered her body with the covers. "Are you warm enough? The heating is on but it takes awhile to kick in. I could make us some tea to warm us up?"

Arizona nodded. "Tea sound lovely, thank you." she was indeed still chilled. The wet cold was getting to her bones and it didn't seem to want to leave anytime soon. As Callie made their tea Arizona took a good look around her, taking in the interior design of the sitting room and kitchen. It was moderne but still cozy and homey looking. The colours on the walls were warm and soothing and every ornament or decoration seemed to belong where they were situated. She liked it a lot. It was so much different to her own apartment. Not having lived here that long and spending countless hours at the hospital, she still had numerous of boxes to unpack. She still had to make the place her own.

"How long have you lived here?" she asked as Callie placed two steaming cups of earl grey on the table.

"About six years now. I bought this place when I first started working at the hospital. It's handy being so close to work, although sometimes I wish I could put more distance between me and the hospital. It gets a bit too much sometimes."

The blonde nodded in agreement. "Yeah, I can only imagine. Where did you live before moving here?"

Callie took a sip of her tea, feeling the hot liquid pour down her throat. "Miami, Florida. My parents and my sister Aria still lives there. Im originally from Mexico but moved to Miami when I was eight. Went to med school, graduated, joined the peace corps in Botswana for two years, moved back in with my parents after that until I got a job here about a year later."

"Wow, you literally moved across the whole country. Do you miss it? Florida, I mean?"

Callie thought for a while before answering. "I miss the heat and the weather even though we get nice summes here too. I also miss my younger sister and my parents... sometimes." she added with a smirk. "What about you? What's your story?"

The blonde sipped her beverage and held the cup between her hands to warm them. "Well, there isn't much to tell. Im an army brat so we moved around alot but I was born in Wisconsin. We never stayed long in one place. Changing schools all the time, making new friends and then move again. Don't get me wrong, it was kind of fun. Me and my older brother Timothy got to see and experience a lot. Something new and existing was happening all the time so we never got bored. We had each other." the latina couldn't help but to notice a sad and distant look on Arizona's face but it only lasted for a second. "Then I decided to go to med school and... here I am." she laughed nervously. She decided to leave the Africa part out, not ready or in the mood for questions. She just hoped Callie wouldn't push the subject.

"Where's you brother and your parents now?" the brunette asked gently, not wanting to pry too much after seeing the sad look on Arizona's face earlier.

The blonde swallowed and sighed. There was no escaping this now. She turned to Callie and offered her a weak smile. "My parents settled down in Boston eventually, they're both retired. I try to go and see them as often as I can. Mostly on christmas and thanksgiving."

"And you brother?" Callie asked, kicking herself for letting her curiosity get the better of her.

Arizona started to fidget with the handle of the cup, following a thin crack in the pottery with her fingernail, needing something to focus on. "He um,... he died five years ago in battle. There was an explotion and most of the men in his troupe were killed and all we got was a flag at his funeral."


	8. Chapter 8

The Secrets That We Keep

Chapter 8

The room fell silent. So quiet it was almost painfully buzzing in Callie's ears. She didn't know what to say. Arizona had just told her that her brother had literally been blown to pieces and therefore a coffin at the funeral had been impossible because there was no body. She was stunned and felt really bad for bringing something so painful back up to the surface. She wished she could take it all back by turning back time just a few minutes.

The tension in the air was so thick you could slice through it with a knife. Arizona was beginning to think that she had said too much and started to feel really anxious and shifted in her seat. Why wasn't Callie saying anything? Did she hear what I just said? Why is she looking at me like that? She watched Callie open and close her mouth several times but nothing was said and Arizona started to regret even coming here in the first place. She started to get up once again but was stopped by Callie's warm fingers wrapping themselves around her wrist to keep her in place.

"I'm sorry." she said in a whisper. "I'm so so sorry." her brown eyes showed nothing but empathy and concern. "I shouldn't have asked, it's not my place and I'm... I'm sorry."

Arizona saw the compassion written so clearly on Callie's face and it caused a sharp pain in her chest, making her breathing slightly difficult. She could see the regret and how sorry the latina was for bringing up the sensitive subject and found herself offering the brunette a sad smile. "It's okay, you didn't know. I think about him everyday but it's easier to deal with it now. It is what it is." she shrugged sadly.

Callie was still holding the blonde's slender wrist in a firm grasp. She felt the soft skin, the warmth and the blood pulsing through her veins with every heartbeat. She found herself reluctant to let go but knew she had to. Giving Arizona's wrist a gentle squeeze before letting go, Callie immediately missed the contact and proximity from the blonde. "Still, I'm really sorry for bringing it up and for not being able to keep my god damned mouth shut. I know we don't really know each other that well but I consider you as a friend and if you ever need to talk about something... anything, I'm here, okay?"

Arizona blinked a few tears away, embarrassed for her obvious emotions. "Thank you Callie. I'll keep that in mind. And for the record, I consider you as a friend too."

The childlike smile on Arizona's face was enough to make Callie feel all warm and tingly inside. The dimples were her favourite part and she had to fight herself not to lean in closer and kiss each one of the adorable dips. Their eyes locked for just a second but for the two women it felt much longer. They felt at peace with each other, a content feeling that spead across the room and settled in the air. They sat quiet for awhile lost in their own thoughts, no one having anything to say and didn't feel the need to. It was a moment to reflect on themselves, their feelings, emotions and thoughts. It felt comforting for both of them to be physically close but not touching, a sense of stillness and calm was evident.

A few minutes later Callie watched as Arizona struggled to keep her eyes open and how her head began to droop. Pushing her own blanket aside Callie got up quietly and reached out a hand towards the dozing woman. "Come on. I think it's time for you to hit the sheets. You can sleep in the guestroom. The bed is made and you have everything in there that you need. Towels, pyjamas, toothbrush and toothpaste, you name it."

Arizona looked at the outstretched hand before grasping it, letting the strong taller woman pull her up to her feet. Being so tired and standing up rather quickly she stumbled and felt herself starting to fall.

"Whoa!" strong arms went around her waist and held her close. The smell of Callie entered her nostrils and the softness of her body pushing up against hers was overwhelming. Shaking her head, trying to snap out of it, she was faced with brown questioning eyes. "You okay? Just lean on me, alright. It's just down the hall. Come on, easy."

Arizona was slightly embarrassed over her fall and felt herself blush. The arm around her waist was still holding onto her tight as they walked down the hall towards the guestroom. Callie opened the door and guided her inside. "The bathroom is just through there," she pointed to a door at the far end of the large room, "and my room is just next door so if you need anything don't hesitate to wake me. I will probably stay up a bit longer since I'm off tomorrow. I've got a couple of case files I have to look through anyway. Feel free to take anything from the fridge during the night if you get hungry. And as I said, I'm just next door if there's anything you need."

Smiling tiredly Arizona reluctantly stepped out of the embrace, feeling the cold penetrate her skin after being pulled away from Callie's warmth. "Thank you so much. Im sorry I'm not much company. I guess I was more tired than I thought I was."

"No problem, I can relate. Don't worry about it. I hope you have a good night's sleep."

"Thank you." Arizona repeated, smiling at the gorgeous latina in front of her. "Good night, Callie."

"Good night, Arizona."

Callie made herself another cup of tea, sat down and began looking through her patients files but her head was elsewhere. She glanced over at the closed door leading to where Arizona was staying. Behind that door was a beautiful, stunning and incredibly sexy woman who had wormed herself inside Callie's brain and refused to leave. It was frustrating and almost impossible to focus on the papers she had in her hands. Looking at the sheets in front of her, the lines seemed to move on their own, the witing became blurry and the words were not making sense right now.

Sighing, she placed the files on the table and turned her attention to the tv. Criminal Minds was on and Callie would usually enjoy watching the show but, as well as the case files, she could not concentrate on the program either. Glancing at the clock hanging on the wall in the kitchen she realized that it was almost midnight. Yawning she decided to call it a night.

At 02.13 am Callie shot up, her heart racing and her eyes scanning the room around her. What had woken her up? Did she have a dream and suddenly snapped out of it? Was it the rain that had mashed so loudly against the window that it woke her up? Did she forget to turn off the tv?

Then suddenly a piercing scream filled the whole apartment and Callie had for a second forgotten that Arizona was sleeping in the next room. Another scream flew through the walls and the brunette pushed the covers aside and quickly got up. She headed straight to Arizona's room and stood by the door, listening. It was quiet now. Like nothing had happened and Callie was just about to head back to bed when she heard soft sobs coming from the other side of the door. Was Arizona crying? Did she have a nightmare? Was this a repeat of what had happened earlier at the hospital? If so, then Arizona wanted her space. Last time Callie had questioned her about it she literally ran off. Maybe I should just leave her alone, the brunette thought, biting her lip thinking about her options.

Then she heard the sobs again, followed by sniffles and tiny whimpers. Arizona was clearly trying to calm herself down and was panting, struggling for air. It tore Callie's heart apart hearing her new friend suffer like that. Without thinking twice about it she opened the door and poked her head in. What she saw made her heart stop. The blonde was sitting up in bed, resting against the headboard, face covered by her trembling hands and the bed sheets all tangled up. That's when she saw it.

Mark had been right. She had lost a leg. Her left leg was only a stump poking out from beneath the covers. It had been amputated just above her knee and the prosthetic leg was lying on the floor next to the bed. Oh my god, was all that passed through Callie's head at that very moment. No wonder Arizona had gotten so pale and startled when Mark had questioned her about it. But now was not the time to think about who was right and who was wrong. This was real and it was happening now.

Callie slowly approached the bed, not sure if the blonde knew about her presence and didn't want to scare her. "Arizona?" she spoke softly. The blonde didn't move and Callie wasn't sure if she had heard her calling her name. "Arizona?" she tried again. The crying stopped and the blonde snapped her head up in surprise.

"Callie! Oh my god, I'm so sorry I must have woken you up. I didn't mean to..."

"Are you okay?" the latina questioned even though the answer was obvious. "What happened?" she came closer to the bed and was only standing two feet away, watching the flushed face wet from tears.

"Nothing, I'm fine. Im sorry if I woke you up, Im okay. Really." she angrily brushed away the drops as they continued to all down her cheeks. Then it suddenly hit her! Her leg! It was on full display and visible for anyone to see. She didn't want Callie to find out this way but now it was too late and there was no taking it back. Quickly she desperately tried to cover her stump when she was suddenly hit by a phantom pain. She clutched at her missing leg and screamed in agony.

Callie knew exactly what was happening. Being an orthopedic surgeon she knew what was going on and had seen it so many times before on several of her patients. But this was not a patient, this was Arizona, her friend. Assessing the situation she sat down next to her and layed a warm hand on the upper part of the stump, feeling how tense the muscles were and how they were shaking from the pain. "It's okay, Arizona." Callie soothed.

The blonde tried to brush Callie's hand away, mortified for being so weak and vulnerable. It had been awhile since she had one of these episodes but the nightmare had been so real, so vivid, like she was back there again, looking at her own bone poking out from her lacerated flesh. The intensity of the dream had brought one on and it was powerful.

Arizona clutched at the covers for her dear life, trying to keep some of her dignity intact but she was stopped by Callie's gentle hands. "Arizona please, it's okay." she whispered, "I know, I know what's happening and I can help you feel better, just trust me, okay? Just trust me on this, please?" The brunette's hand travelled lower down the stump but was stopped by shaking hands.

"Please, Callie. I don't want you to see me like this." she cried, struggling to get the words out through the pain and sobs. The pain was excruciating but still she was reluctant to let Callie help. "I'll be fine. It'll go away in a few minutes. I'm okay."

Callie wasn't bying it. She knew how painful these episodes could get and she just wanted to help if she could. "Please, Arizona. I just want to help you feel better. Please, let me do that?" she didn't wait for an answer and immediately removed her hand only to place it at the end of the stump and gently rubbed it with soft fingers.

The blonde gasped at the sensation. No one had ever touched her there since the accident and it felt strange, scary and alienated.


	9. Chapter 9

The Secrets That We Keep

Chapter 9

Her body was shaking, mind racing, heart pounding and her breathing laboured. The pain was intense, consuming her whole until there was nothing left. The room was spinning around her making her dizzy and faint and causing her to feel intoxicated. It was a moment of shear agony and she could feel droplets of sweat dripping down her back and temples. Would it ever stop?

"Just try to relax. I know it's hard but try to breath through the pain and your muscles will automatically ease up and the pain will eventually wear off. Trust me on this." Callie didn't care in that moment if Arizona was uncomfortable or embarrassed about the whole situation. She just wanted to help and didn't care about the fact that Arizona only had one leg or that she was having nightmares and phantom pains. She could tell the blonde was ashamed and down right mortified about breaking down like this but nothing shocked Callie. She had seen it all before.

She gently but firmly massaged the scar tissue that was apparent on the end of the limb with soft circles and patterns. The blonde was still crying softly but seemed to have gotten the control back on her breathing.

Arizona was slowly calming down but was still extremely uncomfortable and embarrassed. She felt exposed, ugly, disfigured and disgusting. Just the thought of Callie touching her stump, massaging it, looking at it and studying it made her cringe and she wished nothing more that to disappear. Again she tried to brush Callie's hands away. "I'm fine. You can stop. I... I feel much... better."

Callie knew she was lying but stopped what she was doing anyway and looked at Arizona's flushed an painfilled face. "Please. I can see that you're hurting but I know how to make it better. Don't fight me on this Arizona, please. I don't want you to go through more pain if you don't have to. And I'm telling you, you don't have to. Okay? So, please just let me help you."

Callie's fingers were back on her skin, making the area she was touching tingle and burn. Arizona didn't object this time. She felt how the warm hands rubbed, squeezed and pressed against her muscles and tissue, willing the pain away. She moved up a bit higher and massaged her upper thigh and then back down again. They didn't speak. Not a word was said between the two, just soft murmurs escaped Callie's mouth when Arizona involuntary let out a hiss or a whimper. Ten minutes passed and to Arizona's surprise the pain was almost gone. Just a dull ache was left but it was bearable and she slowly let out a breath she didn't realize she was holding.

Callie gently removed her hands and placed the covers back over her exposed body, making sure she was tucked in and comfortable. "Better?" Callie asked with a small smile, cocking her head a bit to the side and her concerned eyes studied the beautiful features in front of her.

Arizona nodded shakily and clutched at the covers, trying to cover her upper body as well. "I'm... okay. Th... Thank you." there was a brief pause. "I'm so sorry again for waking you up in the middle of the night. I shouldn't have..."

"Hey, stop that." the latina gently interrupted and helped the woman cover her chest with the duvet tenderly. "It's okay. You don't have to apologize. It's not your fault." Arizona kept her head down to avoid eye contact, too ashamed to even look at the kind brunette. "Can I get you anything? Some water perhaps?"

A glass of water sounded lovely to Arizona's ears but she didn't want to be a bother and have Callie get it for her. She shook her head and began to fidget with the bed sheets. Suddenly Callie's gentle hand was placed over her fidgety ones and she immediately stopped. "Do you want to talk about the dream you had?" Arizona once again shook her head. "Okay." Callie stated and gave her hands a soft tug. "Look, I understand if you don't want to talk about what just happened and I respect that." she lowered her head so they were eye level and Arizona had no choice but to make contact. "Just know that I'm here if you do want to talk. I'm not going to pressure you into something you're not ready for but just bear it in mind that keeping things locked away or bottled up inside is not doing anybody any good."

Arizona was just about to comment but Callie held a hand up to stop her. "I know that you already know all this but I'm saying it anyway." she gave the blonde a compassionate smile. "Can I give you a hug?"

The simple and innocent question made Arizona tear up once again but managed to keep them at bay. "A hug would be awesome."

Callie opened her arms, gesturing for Arizona to come closer. "Come here." the latina wrapped the distraught woman up in her arms and held her tight. She could feel Arizona take a deep breath and letting it out slowly but shakily. She rubbed the slightly quivering back in soothing circles. "It's okay. You're gonna be okay." she whispered.

Pulling away reluctant Arizona wiped at her eyes removing the brimming tears threatening to fall. "What time is your shift starting?" Callie asked, concerned about the lack of sleep Arizona was experiencing.

"Um, at eight. Unless I'm being paged before that. Why?"

"You should really get back to sleep then so you're well rested. Do you think you can go back to sleep? Do you want me to stay for a little longer?"

Arizona shook her head, cursing herself mentally. I'm a grown woman for gods sake. I can deal with this. I don't need someone to hold my hand to fall asleep. I'll be fine, she kept telling herself. "I'm okay. Thank you though."

Callie stood up. "Okay. I'm just next door so wake me up if you need to or want to, I won't mind." approaching the door she turned around one last time. "Good night, Arizona."

"Good night, Callie."

The door closed and the blonde was on her own with her demons playing fetch within her head. She knew she wasn't getting more sleep tonight, she rarely did after an intense dream like the one she just had and she knew it would be useless trying. Reaching over to the nightstand she grabbed her phone and busyed herself with playing some candy crush, hoping to pass another few levels. It was a great thing to do to distract her mind and keep her thoughts somewhat sane and rational. The game was easy and innocent but a great comfort and a peaceful escape from reality. Just for a little while.

It was not until a week later that the two women saw each other again and both of them had felt rather lonely and misplaced without the other. Callie hadn't stopped thinking about the incident that happened at her apartment and couldn't help worrying about the blonde. Call it crazy or ridiculous but no matter how hard she tried to focus on something else, the blue eyed woman with the most precious dimples invaded her mind.

Her pager went off. 911 on a post op patient. "Damn." she muttered under her breath as she ran to where she was needed. By the time she got there she heard dr Hunt declare the patient dead.

"Time of death 17.32."

Pulling the curtain aside to see which one of her patients had passed, she was faced with a whole crew of doctors, surgeons and nurses looking straight at her. On the bed, already beginning to turn ghostly white, was David Hardinger. A middle aged man who Callie had performed a full hip replacement on, The Peterson's Hip. A quite invasive surgery and not performed by many orthopedic surgeons in the country. The procedure was still quite new and controversial but Callie had been confident that she could do it and the surgery had gone as planned. She couldn't understand what had gone wrong.

"What happened?" she asked Owen when they were the only two left.

"Thrombus, a blood clot, within the heart. It was quick, nobody could have seen it coming. We did everything we could but these particular situations are so unpredictable. There was nothing you or anybody else could've done to stop it. It happens Callie. I'm sorry." he placed his hand on her shoulder and gave her a reassuring squeeze before disappearing.

No matter how awful this was, Callie couldn't help but to feel relieved. It was nothing she had done wrong to cause this. The operation had still been a success and she hoped for many more to come. Things like this did happen and sometimes it could be prevented or caught early and sometimes, unfortunately, it could be fatal. Sighing, Callie did feel sad and also felt like she had failed, both herself and her patient but she couldn't let this get her down in the dumps.

Callie's shift was over at six but she decided to leave a bit ealier since things seemed to be under control. She walked into the locker room, which was fortunately empty, sat down on the bench seat placed in the middle of the isle and rested her head in her hands. She couldn't help but to feel cheated on somehow. She had rocked that surgery from start to finish and everything had gone smooth, only to backfire later and give her a slap in the face.

Groaning, she rubbed her temples, feeling a headache starting to build and the tension in her neck and shoulders were beginning to hurt.

"You look like you could do with a hug."

The sudden voice startled Callie but calmed when she saw the pretty blonde in the doorway offering the brunette a sad smile. Arizona gently sat down next to Callie, almost touching. "You okay?"

Callie sighed in defeat, looking down at her shoes, suddenly finding them very interesting. "I just... I lost a patient and I know I shouldn't feel so... so upset about it but I just... I just, I..."

"Of course you're upset. Losing a patient is always hard. We do our best to make them feel better and when it doesn't work out then we feel like we failed them, but do you know what? We didn't fail them. We gave them a second chance, another go at life and a chance to start over and I know for a fact that they are all greatful for that." she placed a hand on Callie's upper thigh. "Don't beat yourself up over it. You did what you could."

Callie explained to Arizona what exactly had happened. That the surgery had been a success and that he had actually died from a blood clot. "Well, you should celebrate then." Arizona added. "I mean, it's awful that he passed away but your surgery was flawless. It was your first time doing this particular surgery right?" Callie nodded. "See, you did it. Your first time using a new, technique, new instruments and new procedures and you did it! I, personally, think that that is worth celebrating."

The blonde tried to get Callie's attention or eye contact by lowering her head and tilting it to the side a bit. Finally Callie sat up straight and took a deep breath. "You're right. I should celebrate. We should celebrate." she stod up and offered Arizona her hand. "Wanna go to Joe's for a few drinks?"

Smiling Arizona accepted the large elegant hand and grasped it. "I wouldn't want to be anywhere else."


	10. Chapter 10

The Secrets That We Keep

Chapter 10

Callie couldn't remember a time when she had laughed so much. Her stomach and face was sore from the constant smiling, chuckling and giggling. They were sitting by a table away from the crowd so they could have a decent conversation and hear each other properly over the bellowing music. Arizona was making her forget about what had happened earlier at the hospital and she was greatful for that. Even if it was just for a couple of hours.

There was a playful and almost innocent side to Arizona that Callie really liked and felt drawn to. It was almost childlike but still mature and it made her feel giddy, happy and content. She was so different from any person Callie had ever known and it was refreshing and endearing but at the same time she was nervous and a bit cautious. She had been hurt badly once before, quite recently, and she didn't want to go through that again if she could avoid it. She also knew that nothing would ever happen in the romance department if she didn't take a chance or never took any risks. Erica had hurt her, left her, dumped her in a parking lot, drove away and never to be seen or heard from since.

It had been really difficult to even function after that. She spent her days in a haze and didn't really talk to anyone if it wasn't work related. She dove right in to surgeries, consults, managing the pit, rounds, patient and a lot of overtime. Work had been, and still was her therapy. Her strength and motivation to carry on and try to get pass her difficult time and it had worked. She was over it now. Over the heartache and tears, the pouting and frowning and the negative thoughts and the sadness. Arizona was making her feel alive again.

"Thank you so much for bringing me out of my pity party. I really appreciate it." Callie said to Arizona as they walked outside. The air was chilly and crisp making the blonde's cheeks turn rosy red fast and Callie thought she looked so beautiful.

Arizona just smiled and took Callie's hand in hers. "Don't worry about it and besides, we are all allowed to have pity parties at times. It makes us human."

They stood there, smiling and staring into each other's eyes for a few seconds, neither wanting to say their goodnights and turn different ways. Time had a habit of passing and eventually they let go of their physical contact, their hearts acheing from the loss. "Wait!" Callie interrupted. "You're not driving are you?"

Smiling at Callie's nurturing instincts Arizona shook her head. "No, I'll just take a cab. Thank god I'm off tomorrow cause I don't think my head would be able for screaming kids."

"Tell me about it." the brunette rolled her eyes. "I'm staying in bed as long as I can tomorrow, eat crappy food and watch four episodes of Game Of Thrones that I recorded during the week."

Arizona's face lit up much like a child on christmas day after getting what she wished for from santa. "No way! I love that show and I've missed a few episodes myself. It looks like we have more in common than we thought dr Torres." she said in a flirtatious manner.

Callie stepped closer to the tipsy blonde, grinning. "Well, dr Robbins. Since we both have the pleasure of being off tomorrow, may I kindly suggest that you spend the night at my establishment and watch the tv show in each others incredibly delightful company?"

Arizona froze. She didn't want a repeat of last time she had stayed. She couldn't go through that again, it was just simply too embarrassing. "I... I don't know I... I don't think it's a good idea, Callie. I mean, I like to but... I just... you know, it's..."

"Hey," Callie put her hand on Arizona's arm and gently rubbed it up and down. "It's okay. I don't want to make you uncomfortable. I know you have nightmares sometimes and that's totally okay. I just want you to know that I'm not easy to get rid off. Once I'm in your life, I'll stay in it... until you get sick of me but that will never happen cause I'm a really great friend and you'll never find anyone else like me." she winked at the shorter woman and gave her a confident smile. "Besides, what kind of friend would I be if I just left you here alone trying to get a taxi, while you're a bit drunk, I might add."

"I'm not drunk." Arizona gasped. "I'm just... tipsy. I am well able to hold my liquor." just as she said that she couldn't help but to wobble slightly as a dizzy spell claimed her.

Callie quickly grabbed a hold of her around her waist, holding her steady. "Whoa, easy. Don't want you to fall and hurt yourself." she made sure the blonde was okay before they started walking towards Callie's apartment. "Come on, just lean on me, we'll be at my place in less than five minutes."

They made it to the apartment building without difficulty. Callie opened the door for the small blonde and gestured with her hand for Arizona to enter first.

She chuckled. "Oh, aren't we ever so chivalrous. It's very rare in a woman these days. I thought you guys were extinct."

Callie frowned at her statement, not knowing what she ment by 'it's very rare in a woman'? Was Arizona gay? Could Callie be so lucky, that the pretty blonde she was now escorting up the stairs and had a secret crush on, a lesbian? Maybe, maybe not. She decided to drop it for now. Arizona might not have ment anything by it anyway.

Reaching the front door to her apartment Callie opened it and once again Arizona experienced a dizzy spell and nearly fell. Callie was there and instantly embraced her from the side. "Okay, I've got you." she said softly. "I'm gonna help you into the guest room, okay. The pyjamas you slept in last time is washed and on the bed." she helped Arizona to sit down on the soft mattress and handed her the pjs. "Change into these and I'll get you a glass of water and some painkillers."

The latina took her time, thinking it would take Arizona extra time and effort to change in her slightly drunken state. She knocked on the door softly. "Arizona, are you decent? Can I come in?"

"I'm decent." the blonde muttered.

When Callie entered she was surprised to see the blonde fully changed, sitting on the edge of the bed, still wearing her prosthetic leg. She gave the tablets and the water to her then looked down on her metallic limb. "Do you need help with that?" Arizona placed the now empty glass on the bed side locker and put her hands on her leg where she knew the prosthesis started and her real leg ended. She began to fidget with her pyjama pants and nervously looked down at her feet.

"Hey," Callie kneeled next to her and covered the blonde's hands with her own. She could tell that Arizona might need help to get her leg off but that she was too embarrassed and proud to let Callie aid her. The brunette gently removed Arizona's hands and placed hers on each side of the prosthetic limb, ready to take it off. She looked up into blue tired eyes. "Ready?" she asked.

Arizona closed her eyes and nodded. She was so embarrassed having the latina seeing her like this again but Callie honestly didn't seem to mind. It would've been too difficult for the blonde to do it on her own right now so she really had no choice. Once the leg was off, and neatly placed leaning against the wall by the bed, Callie couldn't help but to let her touch linger on the warm skin.

Arizona felt like she was on fire again. Being touched in that area was still so new but also thrilling. Her skin was tingling under Callie's hand and she couldn't help but to shiver from the sensation. The taller woman looked at her in concern. "You cold?" she asked, not wanting Arizona to freeze during the night.

"A little." she lied as she got comfortable under the covers avoiding any eye contact. In fact she was really warm and it was all because of Callie's touch. She watched as the brunette walked over to the dresser and pulled out a thick woolly blanket.

"Here you are." she spread the blanked out wide in the air and let it fall on top of the small frame, tucking it in on each side. "Now, that should do it. You know where I am if you need anything." she made her way towards the door. "Good night, Arizona."

"Night, Callie. Thank you." she sounded shy as she spoke, cursing herself for letting her nerves get the better of her again.

The door closed and the apartment fell quiet.

Callie tossed and turned in her king size bed. She couldn't take her mind off of the slightly drunk woman sleeping in the next room. She liked Arizona, a lot, and she did realize a couple of weeks ago that she had feelings for the blonde. Romantic feelings. She was also worried for Arizona. She could see that she was tired and worked herself to the bone, taking on as many shifts she could. Fortunately the blonde was off tomorrow and Callie was gonna let her sleep as long as she could, making sure she got some rest.

She layed awake listening for any noise that would indicate any distresse coming from the other side of the wall but there was none. She didn't want Arizona to experience another nightmare and if she did, Callie wanted to be close by to make sure she was okay. Sleep finally took over her senses and her eyes drooped, falling into a deep, much needed sleep.

The next thing Callie knew was the change of brightness in the room. She turned to her side, squinted her eyes and realized that it was already 11.38 am. She couldn't remember the last time she slept so long but she felt well rested and refreshed. Callie was well able to hold her liquor so she rarely experienced a hangover the next day and today was no different. She took a quick shower to wash the sleep away and got dressed in a pair of yoga pants and a top, wanting to feel comfortable and relaxed. Looking in the mirror she decided to apply a small bit of makeup, just to hide a few minor imperfections, finding herself wanting to look somewhat presentable for Arizona.

Too late for breakfast, she thought as she dragged her feet into the kitchen. She was hungry but didn't want to eat before or without Arizona. She decided to check on the woman to see if she was awake or not. Quietly she opened the door and peeked inside.


	11. Chapter 11

The Secrets That We Keep

Chapter 11

Arizona had woken up before Callie with a pounding headache and feeling sick to her stomach. The alcohol she had consumed the previous night was making itself known in the most unpleasant way. Groaning she rolled onto her side and slowly sat up, knowing that fast movement would only cause her more discomfort. Silently saying a prayer in her head she grabbed her prosthesis, relieved that it was close by. She made it into the bathroom just before her stomach turned and in an instant she was kneeling by the toilet and threw up. It was just a yellowish liquid coming up since she hadn't really eaten much the day before.

The taste of bile and the sour smell of vomit made her gag once more. Her body was shaking from the physical exertion and the fact that she was dehydrated didn't help one bit. Her forehead felt cool and clammy to the touch and her head was spinning as well as the room. Or was it the room? She couldn't tell. All she knew is that the whole world was spinning and all she could do was to tag along for the ride. Oh my god, this is so humiliating, she thought. If Callie found her like this she would never forgive herself, the embarrassment would be too much.

Leaning her back against the wall she felt the coolness of the tiles sooth her somewhat. Fuck, I'm so stupid! She cursed at herself. I didn't even drink that much and look at the state of me. Im like a teenager experiencing my first hangover. Im pathetic.

The truth was that she was not use to drink. She would have a glass of wine or two, usually with a meal, not tequila and other shots followed by some random cocktail that was eather too sweet or too bitter. "Never again," she mumbled. She tried to get up off the floor but her stomach once again protested and she ended up with her head burried in the toilet.

There was nothing left in her stomach to throw up, just clear liquid and saliva passed through her throat, burning it with its acidic contents. She didn't know how long she had been in the bathroom, neither what time it was or if Callie was up. She hadn't really heard any noises to indicate that the latina was awake.

Taking a deep breath, she pushed herself off the cold floor, flushed the toilet, closed the lid and sat down. She felt a bit better after throwing up but knew that it was very common to feel better after vomiting and she didn't want to get her hopes up. The sink was located just next to the toilet and Arizona placed her elbow on the edge of it and rested her spinning and acheing head in her palm. She wanted to take a sip of water to rinse her mouth but she was too tired to even turn the tap on.

Suddenly she heard the door to the bedroom open and Callie's voice rang out. "Arizona?" when the blonde didn't answer straight away the brunette called out again, "Arizona, you okay?"

Damn, she thought. She's gonna see me like this. Im all sweaty and yucky and so so so very unattractive. I must be the most horrendous sigh she has ever seen. There was a soft knock on the bathroom door. "Arizona, you in there? Are you okay?"

The blonde realized that she had to swallow her pride and let Callie come inside. Being in a hurry to get to the toilet in the first place, there had been no time to lock or close the door behind her. The door was now ajar and she could see Callie's shadow seeping through. "Im in here," Arizona weakly responded, cringing at how pitiful she sounded. "But it ain't a pretty sight."

Callie opened the door. Her heart melted at the precious blonde in front of her, looking so miserable and grumpy sitting on the toilet with her eyes half closed and hair sticking out in all directions. Knowing that Arizona was sick and not feeling well at all she knew she shouldn't laugh but she couldn't help but to offer her a sympathetic and compassionate smile. She just looked so adorable and lovable even though she was not well. Callie thought she looked so cute, almost childlike and she just wanted to pick her up and cuddle her.

When Arizona suddenly threw herself down on her knees once more to worship the porcelain goddess, Callie sprung into action. She grabbed a face cloth, wet it and kneeled down behind the heaving blonde and soothingly rubbed her back in gentle circles while holding her hair back with the other. "Oh, sweetheart. Why didn't you call me? I would've helped you."

When Arizona was done Callie flushed the toilet and helped her to sit down while she pressed the cool cloth against a clammy face. "Im glad you weren't here to see what came up earlier. I wish I didn't have to see it." she chuckled, trying to make the whole situation less embarrassing and more comical. Her eyes closed as she felt the cold and wet fabric connect with her skin and an involuntary moan escaped her lips.

Callie gently wiped her face with her right hand while holding her left hand underneath Arizona's chin to keep her head up. "Still, you should've called me. We deal with blood and gore everyday at the hospital so seeing you puke is really nothing. I've seen it all, nothing shocks me."

"Really?" Arizona asked in a tired tone and blinked at the tall woman giving her face a sponge bath.

Smiling, Callie couldn't resist but to place a tender kiss on the sickly woman's forehead. "Really." she stated. "Now, why don't I help you up and we'll get you back into bed, uh?" Arizona just nodded, too tired to give a verbal response.

Once tucked into bed Callie handed her a big glass of water, one slice of toast with the crust cut off and two advil for the headache. "You have to eat the toast or else I can't give you any painkillers." the blonde wrinkled her nose in disgust. "I know you don't feel like eating anything but you'll feel so much better efter. Trust me."

She drank most of the water and finished the toast. Surprisingly she did already feel more comfortable and not as nauseous and the tablets would soon take affect. "Is there anything I can get you? Anything that you need?" Callie asked softly and brushed blonde damp bangs away from her eyes.

Arizona was laying down, her upper body resting on a pile of cushions and her eyes were closed, secretly enjoying the gentle touches Callie was giving her. "Just my pride back. It has been severely diminished." she mumbled, feeling sleep starting to creep up on her, claiming her body.

"Don't worry about your pride," Callie said soothingly, "I'll give it back to you when you feel better." she watched Arizona smile and chuckle at her joke. "Just get some rest. I'll be right here." she promised and placed a soft kiss on blonde tresses.

Arizona slept for three hours and was slowly coming back to life. She shifted slightly but felt restricted in her movements. Glancing down on her right hand side she spotted Callie fast asleep, mouth slightly open causing the brunette to softly snore and her dark shiny hair was sprawled out over the white pillow. Smiling, Arizona couldn't take her eyes off of the beautiful sight. It felt so right, somehow, to lay so close to Callie, to feel her warmth and hear her breathing. She found it calming and relaxing. The latina looked so peaceful and content in her sleep, almost as if the world around her didn't exist and they were the only two people left on the planet. Just stillness.

"I can feel you looking at me, you know. It's kind of creepy." Callie opened her eyes and saw Arizona smiling down at her. "What? Was I drooling?" she wiped her chin and checked for any wet patches on the pillow.

Giggling the blonde playfully slapped the latina on the arm. "No silly. You just looked... look kind of cute. You were snoring."

Stretching her long limbs Callie said, "Great, that means I had a fabulous sleep. How about you? Did you sleep okay? How is your stomach and your headache? Is it gone? Do you need more painkillers?"

"Wow," Arizona laughed, "what's with the twenty questions? Im fine really. My head is still a bit sore but that's probably cause I'm dehydrated and I still feel sleepy but not too bad. I suppose I have a bit of sleeping to catch up on anyway." she yawned and stretched, hearing her bones crack slightly. "Oh, I'm getting old." she groaned.

Callie laughed and slowly sat up. "No you're not. Besides I bet I'm older than you by at least five or six years." she looked at Arizona with a suspicious expression on her face. "I know you're not suppose to ask a lady about her age but how old are you?"

"I'm 37. And you, my lady?"

Callie smiled. "I told you I was older. That's all you need to know."

"That's not fair." Arizona stated. She shifted to her side and suddenly started to tickle the brunette, feeling her squirm under her touch and hear her giggle. "Tell me?! Tell me and I'll stop."

"Never!" Callie managed to say as she tried to restrain Arizona's skillful hands. The blonde somehow managed to put most of her body weight on to Callie and held her in place still tickling her in any area she could reach. After a while Callie gave up. "Okay, okay! I'll tell you. Just please stop before I pee my pants." Callie's face hurt from all the laughing and she took several deep and calming breaths before telling the blonde her age.

"I'm 41. Happy now?" she glanced over at Arizona's face.

"Very." she simply responded. There was a comfortable silence and both women were content with just being in each other's company. Smiling they looked at each other and something happened between them that they couldn't understand. Some kind of connection or a strong feeling that they were in tune, in sync and level with one another. It was an overwhelming feeling and Arizona could feel herself tear up a bit. Quickly she blinked the tears away and started to sit up.

"I remember you saying something about Game Of Thrones?" she asked shyly.

Callie smiled and wiggled her eyebrows. "With cookies dough ice cream."


	12. Chapter 12

The Secrets That We Keep

Chapter 12

They watched the blood and gore, heads being chopped off, torture, limbs flying through the air like rag dolls and some very explicit sex scenes. Arizona liked the gory bits but not as much as Callie. She was so engrossed in the fighting scenes that Arizona had to laugh.

"What are you laughing at?" Callie asked without tearing her eyes off the tv.

"I can see now why you are into ortho. You just love the blood don't you?" the blonde couldn't stop smiling and took a bite of her now melting ice cream.

Callie, still glued to the scene. "Hell yeah! It's the best part. If I was there I would have a field day, sewing back all the arms and legs. I would totally rock."

That sentence hir Arizona hard. She didn't know why but there was something in Callie's words that were kind of hurtful but still comforting. Maybe Callie could've fixed her leg if she was as good as everyone says she is? Without thinking Arizona placed her tub of ice cream on the coffee table and turned to Callie.

"Maybe you could've fixed my leg?" she said softly, realizing that shevhad just said it out loud. She didn't mean to say it, it kind of just slipped out but now it was too late to take it back. "I mean... I... maybe if... you had been there and everything then maybe... I... you know, maybe I..."

"Arizona." Callie layed a warm hand on her arm. "I... I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking when I said that. I... I'm really sorry." her brown eyes showed nothing but compassion and empathy for the blonde and for what she must have gone through.

Smiling sadly Arizona shook her head. "It's okay, Callie. I shouldn't have said what I just said. Can we just forget about it?"

She scanned the blonde's face for a second, looking for any signs of anger or resentment towards her but found none. She smiled and rubbed the slender arm before letting it go, immediately missing the contact. "Sure." she sighed and stood up. "Wanna watch another episode?" Arizona nodded eagerly. "Okay, I'm just gonna get you some more painkillers, I can see that you keep squinting your eyes and rubbing your temple. Don't lie to me, missy!" she said before the blonde could get a word in.

She took the empty ice cream tubs into the kitchen and came back two minutes later with a big glass of water and two tablets. Arizona didn't object and easily swallowed the two and drank half the glass. "How come you don't have a hangover? You're making me feel like a teenager who can't handle her drink."

The latina laughed. "I guess I'm just one of those people who doesn't really get affected by alcohol that much. Besides, I use to drink a lot more than that. Me, Mark and Christina use to have competitions about who could drink more in a short space of time. I would always win." she said with pride. "But that was a few years ago. I can't really stomach that much anymore." she paused and made a face, "oh, that sounded like I'm a raging alcoholic."

Arizona laughed out loud and Callie couldn't help but to tilt her head to one side and offer the blonde an amazed look. "What?" Arizona asked, feeling a bit self conscious.

Shaking her head Callie chuckled. "Nothing. It's just... I like the sound of your laugh. It's... cute." she stated shyly feeling her cheeks starting to burn. "Okay, I'm gonna put on the next episode and shut my mouth."

In the middle of the show the brunette sensed that Arizona was uncomfortable. She shifted in her seat nonstop and let out sighs of frustration now and then. Ten minutes later Callie couldn't keep quiet any longer. "What's wrong?" she asked softly.

The blonde suddenly stopped her movements and looked over at Callie. "Um, I just... I can't get comfortable. My back is kind of hurting me a bit. I'll be fine, just keep watching your blood and gore." she stated with a grin.

Not feeling very convinced, Callie huddled up in the corner of the sofa and held her arm out, quite chocked at her own actions. It was an invitation for Arizona to lean against her so she would be more comfortable. "Come here." she indicated.

Arizona raised her eyebrows in surprise but slowly made her way over. She brought the blanket with her and cuddled into the warmth of the gorgeous latina itting next to her. She could feel her face going slightly red with embarrassment and excitement. Friends don't cuddle like this, the blonde thought as she felt Callie's arm go around her middle and pull her closer. They fitted so nicely together and Arizona felt at peace with the physical proximity. I could get use to this, she thought and let out a sigh of contentment. This was nice.

Callie rubbed her hand up and down Arizona's back in lazy patterns, not really thinking about what she was doing or if she was sending mixed signals. She liked Arizona a lot and thought that she was very attractive and pleasant. It felt nice to hold someone so close to her own body again. Callie had always been very touchy feely and physical contact was something she couldn't obtain from for very long. Not just in a sexual way but also on a psychological and mental level. She just hoped that Arizona felt the same way.

After about ten minutes Callie heard soft snores coming from the young woman in her arms and she smiled as the cute noises travelled through the room. The blonde snuggled closer in her sleep and Callie tucked the blanket around her, making sure she was all covered up. It had always been in Callie's nature to nurture and care for others and it was no different when it came to Arizona. Her feelings were actually stronger around the blonde and if she could help her in any way, she would. Always quite the people pleaser.

Callie looked down at the sleeping form, noticing the dark circles under her eyes, her tired features and also a probable weight loss. She wasn't sure about the weight thing but she looked and felt indeed smaller. She was working too hard, that was obvious to Callie. Doctors and surgeons usually did work long hours but she had secretly checked Arizona's schedule once and saw all the shifts, double shifts and over time the blonde was putting in for. She didn't understand how or why Arizona put herself through that craziness and it was definitely taking it's toll on her body, probably mentally as well. An overwhelming need and want to protect Arizona came over the brunette and she swore to keep an eye on the blonde, whether she liked it or not.

Callie was very curious about Arizona's past but knew better than to ask to many questions. She knew a bit about her childhood but not much more. She could sense that Africa was a sensitive topic and therefore decided not to ask about it but she couldn't help but to think and wonder what had happened over there. Tenderly she brushed blonde bangs away from shut eyes and continued to hold her close.

It was not until the last episode was finished that Callie felt the sleeping woman stir in her embrace. Looking down at her she thought she was waking up but instead she was met with a painfilled face and her head was trashing from side to side. Obviously a nightmare, Callie stated as she could hear the discomfort in Arizona's breathing and occasional moans. The latina shifted underneath her so that she had one leg on each side of her body. She pulled her up further into her arms, pressed her lips close to a nearby ear and stroked a flushed cheek.

"Arizona, you're okay. It's only a dream, sweetie. You're okay. Shhh." she continued to rub her hand up and down Arizona's back hoping to sooth her. The blonde calmed slightly and Callie turned her attention back to the tv but not long after the trashing started again but with more force. The brunette wasn't sure if she should wake her up or not. She had heard that it could be dangerous waking people up if they were in the middle of a nightmare but se couldn't handle hearing the pitiful whimpers and moans. It tugged at her heartstrings and she decided to gve her a gentle shake.

"Arizona? I need you to wake up for me. Come on honey, wake up." she gave the tossing woman a gentle shake and suddenly the blonde cried out and sat straight up, beathing heavily and heart pounding from the dreadful dream.

Arizona took in her surroundings and calmed slightly when she realized she was with Callie and that she was safe in her apartment. Yes, she was embarrassed about actually crying out in her sleep and the fact that she had no control over it. It was frustrating and irritating to say the least. The dreams were becoming more frequent over the past couple of weeks and Arizona knew it was stress related and putting in for all the overtime she had done was not helping one bit.

She glanced over at Callie, ashamed of her lack of control. The latina showed nothing but concern and worry on her face and she was still holding onto one of Arizona's arms. "You okay, sweetie?"

The look on Callie's face and the endearment that must have slipped out was the tip of the iceberg. She felt tears filling her eyes and how her chest got heavy and restricted. Oh god, she said to herself, I can't stop it. The emotions suddenly became to much, filling her chest with agony and despair. She broke down completely. She was so sick of feeling helpless and so out of control and it frightened her to the core.

Callie watched her struggle with her emotions and how she tried not to cry and break down that it made her own chest tighten and eyes water. She couldn't just sit there and do nothing while Arizona was crying her heart out on her couch in her apartment. The brunette naturally wrapped the sobbing woman into her strong arms and rubbed her quivering back.

"Hey, hey, hey, sweetie. It's okay, you're safe, you're okay now. I'm here with you, I've got you. Shhh, I've got you." she kissed the blonde tresses and rocked them both from side to side, hoping it would have a soothing effect. "I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere, sweets. I've got you." she murmured.

Arizona couldn't remember the last time someone had held her like that. Probably her mother when she was a kid and hurt herself playing too rough with the other children in their neighborhood or on the playground. It felt so good and comforting. Just being next to Callie made everything so much better. She clung to her like a lifeline, grabbing a handful at the back of Callie's top, trying to keep herself grounded. Finally the tears stopped and the occasional sniffle could be heard. The blonde pulled away reluctantly and wiped at her face. "I'm sorry." she mumbled, not making eye contact.

Callie just shook her head softly and cupped Arizona's tear stained face in her hands, brushing away the salty drops with the pads of her thumbs. "Don't be sorry. You've nothing to be sorry for. I'm right here and it's okay to cry." she leaned forward and gave the upset woman a tender kiss on her forehead and pulled her close once again.


	13. Chapter 13

The Secrets That We Keep

Chapter 13

Nothing was said for a while. Nothing needed to be said. The silence spoke for itself and the two women was comfortable with that. In one way the silence said everything. The tv was still going and Arizona could hear that a fighting scene was on. She pulled back and wiped at her remaining tears. "You're missing all your blood and gore."

Callie smile, her eyes never leaving Arizona's. "Don't worry about it. Besides, I get to see the real stuff at the hospital quite frequently." she chuckled and rubbed Arizona's arm gently. "You okay?" she asked gently, a look of concern was written on her face.

Sniffling and tucking her hair behind her ears she nodded. "Yeah, I'm... I'm fine. Thank you."

Callie could sense and see that Arizona was embarrassed and still in shock from the nightmare and she wished she could take it all away. "How often do you have these dreams, Arizona?" Callie didn't want to pry but felt it was necessary to ask.

The blonde shrugged. "Not all that much but..." she sighed in defeat, "lately they seem to come and go quite often. I... I don't know why... maybe..." she sighed again and rubbed her face in frustration. "I don't know." she finally said.

Callie bit her lip and thought about what to say and how to say it. "I have an idea but I don't want you to get mad at me for saying this. You're my friend and I like you a lot... like a whole lot." she didn't wait for an answer, the look on Arizona's face told her to continue. "I did have a little peek at your schedule a couple of weeks back because I... Well, I was kind of worried about you. I saw you everyday at the hospital during all hours, night and day and on your days off. You work too much, Arizona. I know we have a stressful job that requires our full attention and skill but don't overdo it."

Callie studied the woman in front of her for any reaction of what she had just said or if she was even listening. Blue eyes met hers and she continued. "You can't take on every patient, every case or every emergency coming through the door. You have to slow down or you're gonna burn yourself out. Your body and mind are telling you to stop and I think... no, I know that you should listen. I'm only telling you this because I care about you."

There was a long silence and Callie thought Arizona was mad at her for telling her all this or for checking up on her schedule and hours without her permission. Finally she got a response.

"You're creepy." Arizona said softly, trying to hide a smile. "Are you like my stalker now?"

Chuckling Callie added, "Hey, who was watching me sleep this morning? Now, that's even creepier." she gave Arizona a playful slap on her arm. "But seriously, honey, you've got to slow down."

"I... I'll think about it." Arizona said quietly, "it's just... hard sometimes." she sighed, looking lost and vulnerable.

Callie brushed blonde hair from her face gently. "I know it is but you'll be no good to anyone if you're not healthy yourself. Trust me, I've been there and it's not worth it in the end." she cocked her head to the side and looked at the blonde, making sure she was listening. She could tell that she was but didn't show much emotion or expression. Arizona didn't say anything, she just looked down at her hands and nodded slightly. She looked sad. Callie took this as an opportunity and decided to ask her about it.

"Why do you feel like you have to work so hard? We all know what a great surgeon you are, you don't have to try and prove to the chief or the hospital how skilled you are, we all know. It's okay to step down a bit. No one is gonna think any less of you."

New tears were forming in the blue eyes and Callie immediately felt bad for asking but stillbwaited patiently for an answer. "I..." Arizona started, trying to come up with words but none seemed to pass through her lips. She sighed and took a deep breath. "A lot of things... bad things happened in Africa and I just... I feel like I failed the people down there." she kept fidgeting with the hem of the blanket, not wanting to look at the latina. "There was only so much we could do you know, we were short staffed, didn't have a lot of equipment or medication. We... I, lost a lot of patients... mostly children." she said sadly.

Callie rubbed her arm in reassurance amd scooted closer. "And now you feel like you have to make up for the people that you lost?" the brunette asked gently.

Arizona wiped at her tears. "Yes... No, I don't know. Maybe. I..." her voice quivered and her face crumbled. "I did something bad and I can't get it out of my head, I just can't, I can't, I can't." she mumbled over and over. "I did everything I could but I just couldn't save him and I... I..."

"Hey, shhh, it's okay. Take a breath, you're okay, sweetheart. You're okay." Callie soothed and pulled the blonde close, stroking her hair and murmuring comforting words into her ear. "You can tell me, sweetie. I'm not going to judge you. I know what it's like, I was in Botswana, remember? The things we had to do and see were... unimaginable. I know it gets to you and I know how hard it is." she kissed the head beneath her chin. "Tell me, sweetie." she whispered.

Arizona trembled in her arms and shook her head. "I can't. You're gonna hate me."

Callie pulled away and looked confused. "Why would I hate you? I know you did everything in your power to save as many as you could but we lose patients, Arizona. It happends even with all the modern technology we have today. I'm not going to hate you, honey. You did what you could." she tried to encourage the bonde to continue by wrapping her up tightly in one of the blankets and pulled her into her lap, wanting her to feel safe and secure. "Please, tell me. I promise you that you'll feel better once you've gotten it out of your chest. Nothing is gonna change between us, I promise you that."

Arizona sniffled and tried to calm herself down. She hated herself for being so weak and out of control. This was suppose to be a nice relaxing day and she had turned it into some poor Arizona show and a pity party. She licked her suddenly dry lips and began. "This seven year old boy came in with... horrific injuries. I knew... we all knew he wasn't going to make it. We did what we could but he was left in so much pain." her mind went back to that day and she got a distant look in her eyes, momentarily travelling back in time.

Callie stroked her cheek. "Hey, come back." she whispered softly. "Don't go back there, you're safe here with me."

Arizona snapped out of it and came back to the present. "It was agonizing to listen to his screams. We couldn't give him more pain meds cause we were running low. All we could do was... wait." Callie knew what she meant and her heart went out to the younger woman. "During the night I checked on him and his whole body was shaking from the excruciating pain. He begged me to make it stop." she paused slightly again. "I'll never forget the look in his eyes."

"Go on." Callie softly reassured.

Arizona closed her eyes tightly. "I couldn't stand it. I... I did something that goes against everything I believe in, everything I was ever taught and trained to do. I went into our supply closet and grabbed a syringe and... and I... I gave him a Lethal injection." she broke for the second time that day.

Callie tried to sooth her to the best of her abilities by rocking her and spaking to her softly. This was the last thing she had expected to come from Arizona. She couldn't even imagine the pain the blonde must have been in at that moment and ever since, not to mention that little boy. She couldn't quite grasp everything that she just heard. Yes, it was awful, horrifying and just pure and simply wrong but Callie had always been taught to put herself in other people's shoes before judging or making a comment, and so she did.

She put herself in Arizona's place and thought about what she would do, how she would've handled the situation and how he would feel. She only came up with one answer. Pulling away slightly to look Arizona in the eye, she cupped her face in gentle hands, stroking her cheeks with her thumbs. "I'm so sorry you had to go through that and that you had to do it alone. It's an awful thing to be carrying around for so long and feeling that you couldn't tell anyone. I'm glad you told me, honey, and I'm not judging or blaming you for anything. It's hard for me to put myself in that situation but, to tell you the truth, I probably would've done the same thing. He's in a better place now. He's not in pain anymore and I'm sure he's greatful for that."

The look on Arizona's face was tearing at her heart. She looked so sad, weak and vulnerable, even though Callie knew she was none of the later two. Sad, yes. Who wouldn't be after going through such a traumatic event but weak and vulnerable was not something she would describe Arizona as. Callie brushed fresh tears away, leaned in and tenderly kissed the very corner of Arizona's lips. They were so soft, almost velvety like and she could feel a spark of energy, or something close to it, pass through her core. She didn't want to pull away, in fact she wanted to kiss her full on the lips and deepen it but knew that now was not the time.

The latina pulled the broken woman into her arms and held her as close as she possibly could, wanting Arizona to feel her warmth and acceptance, that she was here and here to stay. She rocked her gently in her arms, like a mother would sooth a crying child, and whispered comforting nonsense until she felt the trembling stop and was sure that the blonde had calmed down somewhat. Callie could feel Arizona's heart beat wildly against her own body. Taking her left hand she placed her palm flat against the smaller woman's chest, willing it to slow down.

"Shhh, easy. Just try to breath normally and your heart will automatically slow down. You're okay, sweetie." she brushed her thumb over a slightly protruding collarbone and after a few minutes the pounding under her hand had significantly decreased.


	14. Chapter 14

The Secrets That We Keep

Chapter 14

Arizona couldn't remember a time when she had felt so safe. In Callie's arms she felt secure and so cared for. It felt so nice to have someone hold her and she really liked Callie but not just as a friend. She felt something more for the brunette. Something stronger and deeper that went beyond just friendship. The corner of her lips still tingled from where Callie had placed the gentlest of kisses. Her heart was still racing but from a completely different reason than being upset and crying. It was racing because of Callie's loving touches, words and actions.

She could've stayed in the warm safe cocoon for ever if she was given the opportunity but that was not possible. She felt Callie tighten the hold slightly and kiss the top of her head. Arizona ached to kiss the woman holding her so close. It was such a strong urge and need to taste and feel those lips against her own that she tilted her head up, locking her eyes with Callie's. Time stood still for just a few seconds and nothing around them mattered. The blonde could feel the latina's breath caressing her face gently causing goosebumps to appear all over her body. Just a few inches closer and she would finally be able to feel the softness of those dark red lips.

Suddenly she got scared. What if Callie didn't want to take their relationship to the next level? Did they even have a relationship and what kind of relationship did they have? What if Callie didn't want this? Maybe she just wanted to be friends and nothing else? What if... Her thoughts stopped suddenly as she felt the brunette's lips softly brushing against hers. Callie had taken the first step sensing Arizona's hesitation and fear. The kiss lingered, lips barely touching, eyes half closed and wildly beating hearts. Callie wanted to give Arizona a chance to pull away in case she changed her mind but she knew that was not an issue since the blonde pressed her mouth closer to the latina's and deepened the kiss.

Callie moaned against Arizona's lips, causing a vibration going through the blonde's body. They both opened their mouths, allowing the other to entre and tongues began to explore. The smaller woman shook with anticipation and lust. She was so turned on that she could feel her wetness pooling in her panties. She hadn't been so wet and ready since before the plane crash and it scared her slightly. Callie pulled her closer when she felt the body in her arms tremble. She was lost in the kiss and never wanted it to end but the need for oxygen was inevitable and their lips parted. Resting their foreheads against each other, their breaths were ragged and uneven, both needing more but afraid to venture that far.

"I... um, I..." Arizona was speachless, something that didn't happen often, from the intensity of the kiss, her lips still burning. "That... that was nice." she finally stuttered, uncertain of what to do or say.

Callie chuckled and brushed blonde hair away from blue eyes. "Nice." she stated, "I thought it was way better than nice." Arizona just smiled and nodded, still breathless. "Cat got your tongue, sweets?" the brunette asked teasingly.

Arizona blushed slightly as she giggled. "No, but you did."

Callie placed another soft kiss on the plump lips in front of her and then looked Arizona in the eye. "What do you want from this? I mean, what are you looking for? Just casual or... more? I... I like you and I... I want to get to know you better. Is that something you want or...?"

"I like you too." Arizona quickly chipped in. "I... I like you a lot and I would like to get to know you better as well. It's just... I haven't had anything serious since... the accident and I'm just... I don't know... I just feel a bit rusty I suppose."

The latina nodded in understanding. "I totally get that. Since Erica I haven't had anything... solid either so I know what you mean about feeling rusty. I just want to know where we stand and where we want this to go," she shrugged, "and where we go from here."

Arizona took one of Callie's hands and played with long delicate fingers. "All I know is that I really like you and nobody knows how this is going to end up. As much as I would like to we can't predict the future." she looked into kind brown eyes and saw the care and tenderness that Callie possessed. "I would like to try and see what will come out of this. If you want to?"

The brunette smiled at Arizona's sweet statement and caressed a flushed cheek. "I'd like that too." again Callie leaned forward and captured perfect lips with her own and kissed her with passion. Lost in each other and how right and good it felt to be touched and held by another human being, they couldn't stop their roaming hands that were eagerly and lustfully exploring every inch of skin they could reach. When Callie snuck her hands under Arizona's top and brushed against her breasts the blonde pulled away, shaking.

"What's wrong, hon?" the latina asked in concern, thinking she did something to cause the blonde to pull away.

"I'm just... I'm just a little nervous, I guess. I mean, I haven't been with anyone since... the whole issue with the leg and I'm just..."

Callie placed a finger on moving lips and shushed the talking woman. "Shh, it's okay." the brunette whispered. "I understand that you're nervous and, to tell you the truth, so am I. If you're worried or embarrassed about your leg then there's no need to be. It's okay, I just want to make you feel good, touch you, kiss you and see every inch of your beautiful body bcause you are beautiful, Arizona. So so beautiful." Callie kissed each cheek and then settled her lips back on Arizona's. They kissed for several minutes before Callie felt her on top being tugged at by skillful hands. Smiling the latina swiftly discarded it and was now dressed in a white silky bra, blue eyes wandering over the tanned torso taking in every curve and imperfection.

She kissed each swell of her breasts then back onto Callie's lips. "Make love to me, Callie. Please, I want to feel you on my skin, your lips, your hands. Please!" Arizona begged, feeling pathetic and pitiful as she did so but her arousal was too great and she needed something to extinguish the fire that was rapidly building within.

Callie didn't need any more persuading and immediately pulled Arizona's top over her head, leaving her in a cream lace bra with pink patterned ribbons on it. Not waisting any time the latina lowered her head, placed it in the valley of Arizona's breasts and kissed, nibbled and licked the smooth skin. The blonde pushed herself deeper into Callie's mouth needing more of her.

Callie reluctantly pulled away. "I think we're better off moving this party into the bedroom. This couch is not, um... ergonomically designed for these kind of things."

They made their way into Callie's bedroom, lips still locked as they fell onto the big bed, Callie on top straddling the blonde. For several minutes they kissed both women feeling their bruised lips but the passion was so strong neither cared. The latina loved the way Arizona squirmed and shivered under her touch and how she let out loud moans and gasps as Callie explored and worshipped her body. When she finally reached the waistband of Arizona's pants she got worried as the smaller woman withdrew herself.

"I'm not... I mean, my leg... I haven't shown it to anybody and I... I'm just..."

Callie kissed her deeply once again before pulling Arizona up into a sitting position at the edge of the bed. She then got down to her knees in front of the worried blonde and placed both hands on Arizona's upper thighs. "May I?" she gently questioned and gestured towards the prosthesis, asking for permission to remove it. Arizona gave her a shaky and uncertain nod, scared of what Callie's reaction would be even though she had seen it once before.

The blonde let out an audible gasp as she felt the pressure around her thigh lessen as the metal limb slid off her stump, Callie never braking eye contact. She softly caressed the outside of Arizona's smooth thighs, placed her hands on a perfect bottom and pulled her closer to the edge causing Arizona's sex to make contact with the latina's lower stomach. Now it was Callie's turn to gasp as she felt the heat radiating through the thick pyjama pants and was very pleased to see how aroused Arizona was. While kissing the blonde with gusto, Callie somehow managed to remove the pants and underwear from the sitting woman and instantly saw her blush and become shy, trying to cover herself up with her hands, smiling slightly.

Even though Arizona was feeling exposed and embarrassed, it didn't stop Callie from un hooking her bra and then her own. She knew that if she was naked herself Arizona would probably feel more at ease and relaxed. Blue eyes scanned her tanned body as she stood completely bare in front of her. She could see Arizona's chest heaving and how her breathing became heavy and raspy from being so turned on. Smiling, Callie took a step closer to the bed and gestured for the blonde to scoot up and lay down on the fluffy pillows.

The latina didn't pay any visual attention towards the stump. She had seen it before and she could still see it from the corner of her eye. Even though she wasn't looking at it she could sense Arizona's discomfort and self consciousness. Adjusting herself so that she was kneeling between two muscular thighs, Callie lowered her body creating their firat skin on skin contact. They both gasped at the sensation of feeling each others warmth and softness and also the comfort that slowly spread across the room, making the atmosphere calm and peaceful.

Callie kissed her way down the blonde's quivering body, licking and grazing her teeth against sensitive skin as she did so. She kissed every birthmark, every freckle and every imperfection she could see. When she reached the area that needed her the most she could smell and see Arizona's arousal which caused her own sex to drip in anticipation. When her mouth settled upon the hot wet lips for the very first time Callie was met by Arizona's eager hips, pushing herself off of the bed and deeper into Callie's mouth, needing more.

"Oh god, Callie! That feels amazing, please I... I need you to... I..." the blonde found it hard to form a full sentence that made sense and she struggled to get the words out.

"What do you need, baby? Tell me?!" Callie mumbled from her spot, licking and sucking the engorged clitoris tasting every drip her lover released.

"I need... I need more, Callie. Please, inside, now." Arizona panted, trying to keep her body from squirming too much but it was almost impossible. Callie's touches were too blissful and teasing.

The brunette played around Arizona's slippery opening with skillful fingers. Collecting the secretions freely flowing out and rubbing it all over the pink pulsating nub causing the blonde to shriek in pleasure.

"Ahhh, fuck yes!" her hips shot up, rubbing her soaked mound against Callie's face, her fears and modesty quickly disappearing. "Fuck me, Callie. Please, I need you inside." she pleaded.

Callie loved the way Arizona was rubbing against her and pleading her to literally fuck her. The latina had always liked dirty talk in the bedroom but hearing it coming out of Arizona's mouth made it even more exciting and thrilling. Waisting no more time Callie pressed two fingers against her opening and easily slid inside and picked up a steady pace. She could feel Arizona's walls tighten around her already so she slowed down her movement, not wanting Arizona to come just yet.

"Please, Callie!" the smaller woman could feel her orgasm building deep inside her core, making her toes curl and tingle. Callie wanted to savour every second, every taste and every feel but she knew Arizona was so close to the edge and she didn't want to tease her anymore, sensing her frustration and need for release. They had plenty of time for going slow and taking their time later. Callie suddenly increased the speed of her hand and again placed her mouth around her sensitive clit and sucked it in between her lips, flickering it with her tongue as she fucked her.

Not more than a minute later Callie could feel the pressure around her fingers as Arizona came hard. She screamed out her release, body trembling, breathing laboured and her head thrown back in ecstasy. Callie kept a steady rythm at first but slowed down slightly when she felt Arizona fall over the edge, making the orgasm last longer. Her whole hand was covered in her lover's juices as she slowly withdrew her fingers, placing one last kiss on the tingling bundle of nerves underneath her tongue.

Arizona layed sprawled out on the white sheets breathing heavily and a sheen of sweat covered her petite frame. "That was... that was... incredible."

Giggling Callie laid down next to the blonde and covered them up with the duvet. She wrapped her arms around her and pulled her close, kissing her damp forehead. "That was indeed incredible." she stated, caressing any bit of skin she could find under the covers.

The blonde suddenly turned and within a second she was now straddling Callie, looking down at her with a mischievous grin. "Now let me take care of you."

Callie felt herself being held down as Arizona peppered her with kisses and touches, preparing her for what was about to come.


	15. Chapter 15

The Secrets That We Keep

Chapter 15

Side by side they layed together, breathlessly staring up at the ceiling willing their hearts to stop beating so frantically. Callie couldn't help but to smile as she thought about how Arizona skillfully traced her body with her fingertips and how her tongue so naturally found every spot on the latina's body that made her quiver and beg for more. They were both exhausted from the physical strain and quite sore in some areas.

Callie turned her head to the side and looked straight into baby blue. "I think I just died and went to heaven." she panted.

Arizona giggled and snuggled closer to the stunning brunette, placing her head on a rapidly rising and falling chest. "If dying feels this good then I'm not afraid to die."

Callie traced her fingertips along the blonde's bare back, creating lazy patterns, feeling so at peace with herself for a change. It had been years since she felt anything remotely to what she was feeling now and it was strange to experience it again after so long. "Are you afraid to die, sweets?"

Shrugging Arizona shifted in her comfortable position. "Not really the die part, it's more the whole death part of it. Death always scared me and it still does. I suppose it's the unknown. What happens after death? Is there a heaven? Is there a hell? What happens to out souls? No one knows any of that and that scares me."

"Wow, you've really given this a lot of thought, haven't you?" Callie asked, squeezing the woman tighter to her body.

"I suppose I have." the blonde said. "When I was younger, in my early teens, I went through a phase that my parents eventually called 'the death phase' cause I was constantly talking about dying and where we end up after we're gone." Callie could feel Arizona smile against her naked skin and she continued her story. "I remember one night when I couldn't sleep cause I was thinking too much about it. Eventually I went in to Tim's room for some company," she chuckled, "looking back now it was more for comfort and reassurance. I asked him what he thought happens to us when we die. He said that our souls would travel further and live on someplace beautiful. I asked him where and he said wherever you want to go, wherever you believe you'll go."

Callie listened carefully as Arizona was telling her one of her childhood memories. She felt special and privileged that the blonde trusted her enough to tell her all this and the brunette was enjoying the story, thinking it was cute and innocent.

Arizona laughed out loud at the memory and the latina couldn't help but to follow suit. "I started bawling crying thinking we would all end up somewhere different if we all believed in different things. I was so upset thinking I would never see my family again after we had all passed away. Mom and dad heard me crying, came running into Tim's room and asked what was going on. I could barely speak because of my sniffles and hiccups. I told them that Tim said that we would never be together after we die." she began to laugh harder as she remembered the look on her brother's face.

"Of course that was not what he had said but, to me, that was exactly how I interpreted it. They got so mad at him for upsetting me and for saying something so mean to his little sister, they grounded him for two weeks."

Now Callie was laughing with the blonde, creating a mental picture of a little teenage Arizona crying her eyes out over something she misunderstood and also of Tim being grounded fr something he didn't really do. "Oh, I wish I could've been a fly on the wall for that one." Callie stated through contagious chuckles.

"Yeah, it was great. Well, looking back on it, it was great." the blonde turned her head up and kissed Callie on her chin.

The brunette pulled Arizona up so that they were laying face to face. "I wish I could've met him. He sounds awesome." Callie stated with empathy and concern, caressing blonde bangs away from Arizona's eyes.

"He was." she softly said and began to fidget with a lock of Callie's hair. The latina gently took a hold of her hand, stopping the nervous motion, and kissed her deeply. Even though they had gone several rounds already they were still aching for more.

The hospital was buzzing. The bad weather had caused a lot of damage to the roads which resulted in more accidents than usual. Also a lot of damage had been done to people's houses and, not wanting to pay a proffesional to fix their problems, many decided to try and fix it themselves, which also resulted in a lot of broken bones from falling or being crushed.

Callie was exhausted running from operating room to operating room, down to the pit and back again and consults needed in every corner and direction. She couldn't wait to finish up and go home, have a big glass of red wine and just relax. She had planned on asking Arizona out for a drink after her shift but she realized now that it could be a very long shift so going home was probably a better idea. When the darkness fell outside the flow of the patients seemed to ease up which Callie was greatful for.

Her feet ached, her back, her legs and her knees were throbbing painfully from standing for countless of hours breaking people's bones and fixing them. Even though she was so physically exhausted her mind was still clear and the adrenaline was evenly pumping through her veins in a steady flow.

It had calmed down considerably and Callie was just checking up on her last few post op patients before hitting the road when Dr Hunt walked up to her, showing a stoic and serious face. "Torres, we got a problem." he said quietly and scanned his surroundings making sure no one was within earshot.

Groaning Callie threw her head back and made a grimace. "No, please. Don't tell me we got more patients coming in? I'm beat. If you make me look at another bone tonight I'll make sure it'll be yours I'm looking at."

Owen took her by the shoulder and led her to a more quiet area. "I don't want to cause any unnecessary panic or chaos but I need you to not freak out. I need you calm and collected and be ready to deligate."

Callie's face fell into seriousness as she listened to what Owen was saying. She instantly got a knot in her stomach and knew that something was not right and that the situation they had at hand was indeed serious. "Owen, what's going on?" she hissed, feeling her heartrate increase.

Hunt sighed and swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat. "We got a shooter in the hospital?"

Brown eyes widened in fear and worry. "What? A shooter? Like a shooter with a gun kind of shooter?"

Owen tried to keep himself calm and composed not wanting any of his anxiety to trensfer onto any of his colleagues. "Yes, a gun kind of shooter. I just found out, the hospital is on complete lockdown no one i allowed in or out. The whole police force is on their way with a SWAT team and the whole lot. I need you, us, to pretend like everything is normal, we don't want to upset any patient or staff if we can avoid it."

Callie just nodded, too shocked and flabbergasted to actually form a coherent sentence. Owen continued, "A few other's know about the issue, mainly the head of various departments and a few nurses. I want to keep it that way for as long as we can."

"Wh... um, I mean, where is the shooter now? Where in the hospital?" the brunette managed to squeeze out.

Owen knew about Callie and Arizona. He knew that they liked each other and sometimes met up outsie of work and that they had romantic feelings towards one another. Callie and Owen were good friends and talked about almost anything, just like she did with Mark. Dr Hunt also knew about Callie's sexual orientation and about Erica and everything that had happened between them, that Erica had left her without even saying goodbye. He had been there for Callie after that, everytime she needed to talk or vent, he was there and Callie offered the same support. Now, they both needed each other's support to make it through this difficult ordeal.

Owen hated that he had to bring on more pain into this woman's life but she deserved to know. "He's in peds." Two strong hands were placed on Callie's broad shoulders. "I'm sorry, Callie. I know you worry about Arizona but the police are on their way and they will sort everything out. I'm sure she's fine. She's a strong woman and have been working in war zones, she knows how to handle dangerous situations. She'll be fine, Torres."

Callie was having a hard time taking in everything Owen was saying. There was a shooter in the hospital. A shooter in the peds department. A shooter with Arizona. How is that even possible? How did all this happen? How did he get in to the hospital with a gun? Why was he in peds? Was it a terrorist attack? Was it some kind of revenge? Was it just an insane person who didn't have anything better to do than walk around with a firearm inside a hospital full of sick patients and children?

The why's and how's were endless and Callie knew she wasn't getting any wiser from trying to figure it out. She just stared at Owen's green worried eyes not knowing what to do or say. Hunt gave her a slight shake. "Callie, I need you to focus and stay calm. I know this is hard and it's hard on all of us but I need your help. Stay calm."

The latina gave him a shaky nod, her mind still running crazy with questions that wanted answers. "S... sure. Yeah, I'm calm. I'm focused."

"Good. It's quiet at the moment so just check on your patients and act like everythig is okay. Remember, stay calm. I'll be here as well since we're not allowed to wander off to other departments. I'll page you if I know anything new."

Still shaking Callie nodded and watched as Owen walked away tending to his patients.

Ten minutes passed but to the latina it felt like ten hours. She had done her rounds twize already and there was nothing she could do here. Arizona needed her and here she was, stuck in the pit with nowhere to go. She quickly scribbled something down in a patient's chart and handed it to a nurse. Looking over at Owen she saw that he was busy examining an older lady, smiling and trying to keep his cool, cracking jokes. He was good at pretending, Callie thought. He seemed normal, like there was nothing wrong at all and the brunette didn't know how he did it.

Another ten minutes passed and Callie could no longer take it. When she knew Owen wasn't looking she slipped out through the double doors and headed down to the pediatrics, to Arizona.


	16. Chapter 16

The Secrets That We Keep

Chapter 16

Arizona was staring down in the barrel of a gun. Never, had she seen one up close. Yes, she had worked in a war zone but she always stayed away from any firearm or weaponry. She had seen plenty but never had one been pointed at her and never had she been so close to someone holding one. Her heart was beating fiercely and she could feel herself starting to perspirate. Drops slowly dripping down her temples and neck, legs shaky from fear and head spinning. What was going on? Why was this man here holding a gun? Was this gonna be her last breathing moment?

She didn't know what to say. What do you say to a man pointing a gun in your face, looking at you like you're his worst enemy? He had quickly taken Arizona into a room where there were no nurses or children. It was a supply closet. If she had been standing closer to where the scalpels were held she would at least have some kind of weapon to protect herself with, but all she could see around her was bandages and compresses. Nothing useful in a situation like this.

She drew her eyes away from the gun to look at the man on the other end of it. He looked somewhat familiar but she couldn't place him. She sees so many different people every day and it was impossible to remember them all. Imossible to recognize them all.

"Do you remember me?" he snarled at her, showing his white teeth hiding behind dry cracked lips.

Arizona could tell that he was nervous and worked up. He, as well as herself, was sweating and the hand holding the gun was trembling like a leaf, making it almost impossible for him to focus on one point. She opened her mouth to say somthing but not a word came out. They all got stuck in her throat causing her to stutter incoherently.

"You don't, do you?" he didn't wait for an answer. "Well, let me refresh your memory. Ashley, the most beautiful little girl in the world. She had leukemia. Ring a bell?" his voice was full of pain and anger, the kind that makes you almost nauseous to think about it. He took a step closer which caused the blonde to take a step back, bumping into the shelf behind her.

She did remember. It was all coming back to her now. Ashley had been her patient very briefly. She had already been diagnosed with stage three leukemia when the parents decided to bring her in to SGMW for treatment. Other hospitals had turned them down, saying that there was nothing they could do for her. She was dying. Arizona Robbins had been their last hope and even the talented accomplished blonde surgeon knew that the outcome was not going to be a good one. But still she had taken on the case, feeling sorry for the parents. The same man who was now threatening her with a gun. Mr Jeff Harding.

"Y... yes, I remember." she stuttered. "I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't even im..."

"Oh save it, dr Robbins." he growled at her. "You don't care. She wasn't your little girl, she was mine and you killed her." his hands began to shake even more, pointing the gun stright at her face. "I have to go through every day knowing that my little girl will never come back and you caused it. You murdered her and now you have to pay the price."

He held the gun with both of his hands, trying to steady it from his uncontrollable shaking. Arizona closed her eyes and held her breath. This was it. She was going to die. She was going to be shot in the head which would cause her brain to explode from the gunpowder and scatter all aroun the place leaving her body in a bloody mess on the floor. This was it.

Just as she thought he was about to pull the trigger she heard a voice coming from the other side of the door. "Arizona?"

The voice was calm and soothing, gentle and comforting. It was Callie's voice. What was Callie doing here? It wasn't safe. She had to try and make her leave. Jeff had lowered his gun slightly, startled by the voice.

"Callie?" the blonde said in a shaky voice so weak she wasn't sure if the latina had heard her.

"Piss off! This is between me and dr Robbins. If you don't leave I will shoot you too." he stated in pure anger.

Callie wasn't ready to give up yet. If he wanted Arizona dead he would've killed her already. "You don't have to do this, sir. Nothing good is gonna come out of this. Why don't you just let dr Robbins go and we can all go back to doing our jobs."

Jeff snorted and Callie could still hear it through the thick fire door. "Do you think I'm stupid? I know the cops are on their way, hell they're probably here already. Do you think they're gonna just let me walk? I don't think so, lady. This is what I came for and I'm gonna finish it off."

Callie's mind was racing. She had to do something and fast. There was no time to think, no time to come up with a plan or strategies. "Look," she said gently, "you seem like a reasonable guy and... I don't think you want to do this. It's not what you want in life. What do you say if we just ended it here, okay? Just let dr Robbins go and we can work something out."

Callie saw something in the corner of her eye and turned. Five men in uniform, bulletproof vests, shields and machine guns came into view. Quickly and quietly she gestured with her hands that he was in the supply closet with one hostage. One of the men gave her thumbs up for the report and quickly fished out a camera from one of his big pockets. It was a heat detector, showing the exact spot where the perp was standing.

Pushing Callie aside two men quietly stepped forward and aimed their weapons towards the door, getting ready to fire.

Arizona felt her heart pound in her chest, almost painfully. Keeping her eyes closed she thought of Callie, Teddy and Tim. Maybe she would see her brother in the after life? This was quite ironic. Her childhood fear of death was finally here. It wasn't that long ago since she had this discussion with Callie and thinking then that death was yet far away and she had her whole life to live. Now, she was standing alone with a mentally disturbed gunman waiting for him to pull the trigger. And so he did.

The bang was loud, causing Arizona's ears to ring. She instantly felt something warm on her face. Droplets. Blood. But where was the pain? There was no pain. Was she dead already? If that was the case then how come she could feel warm wetness on her cheeks and forehead? It wasn't making sense.

Two seconds later the door was burst open and several heavily armed men came in assessing the situation. They quickly covered the body up and had it removed. She was still alive. She was breathing, her heart was still beating and her mind was clouded but working. She was alive. Aware of a large hand on her shoulder she looked up and was face to face with one of the men. He was saying something to her. His lips were moving but all Arizona could hear was the buzzing and the ringing in her ears. She couldn't make out what he was saying. Her vision was impaired from the blood, causing her eyelashes to clump together and turn heavy. Suddenly a wave of nausea it her as she realized that she was covered in the gunmans blood. Turning to the side she violently emptied her stomach onto the floor.

When the heaving stopped she fell back against the shelf unit too weak to sit up on her own accord. All of a sudden she felt two familiar hands on her face, wiping off the excess blood, some of it drying already. It was Callie. Callie was touching her, soothing her, comforting her. She was saying something but Arizona could still not hear properly. All she could make out was the calming deep alto voice but no words were clear enough to hear.

Somehow Callie helped her to stand and aided the shaking blonde into an empty on call room, one of the few that actually had a shower. She ordered a nurse to get some clean scrubs, shower gel, shampoo and towels. Arizona still hadn't said a word which scared Callie. She knew she was in shock and needed to quickly clean her up and get her into warm dry and clean clothes before the shivering got worse.

The latina gently took the soaked scrubs off but left her panties on. She didn't want to make Arizona more uncomfortable by stripping her completely bare. A chair had already been placed in the shower so the exhausted woman could sit down while she was being tended to.

Callie quickly rinsed off the blood, making sure the water was just the right temperature. Then she massaged a handfull of shampoo into matted blond hair workimg out the knots as gently as she could. The whole time she spoke soothing nonsense in attempt to comfort Arizona even though she wasn't sure if she heard it or was aware of it. It didn't matter, Callie felt better doing it and for some reason she found that it had a calming effect on herself.

When the blonde was clean Callie helped her to get into dry scrubs. She wrapped a large towel around her body and pulled off her panties while she was still covered. She didn't want Arizona to feel like she was taking advantage. Karev had brought his car to the back door so they could easily slip out without any curious looks and glares, protecting Arizona's privacy.

Alex Karev looked in the rear view mirror at the two women in the backseat. He was worried for Arizona's sake. They had become quite close since she started working with him. Even though he could be moody and down right rude sometimes she still liked him. He had a good heart and good intensions when it came to patients. It only took a couple of minutes to get to Callie's place since she lived so close by. Alex helped etting Arizona out of the car onto her shaky legs. "Look after her, Torres." he said firmly.

"You know I will. Thanks for driving us. Will you tell Webber that none of us will be in tomorrow, especially not Arizona. She needs a couple of days I think. And tell Teddy that she's fine and staying with me. I bet she's gonna be worried when she finds out what happened."

Karev nodded. "Sure, you got it. Let me know if there's anything you need, Torres."

"Thank you, Karev. Will do."

They made it into Callie's apartment before Arizona's legs gave in. She would've fallen flat on her face if Callie hadn't been so quick in her actions. She caught the blonde just before she was about to hit the floor. "Whoa, sweetie! It's okay, I've got you. I've got you." she whispered into a nearby ear.

Callie led the two of them into her bedoom and sat Arizona down while she searched for something the blonde could wear for bed. She quickly got changed herself and then approached the still quiet apathetic woman. "I'm gonna help you to change into something more comfortable sweetheart. Will you let me?" she asked gently as she touched the side of Arizona's face.

Blue eyes looked at her but they seemed empty at this moment. She didn't give Callie a verbal answer but the latina seemed to understand anyway. She got Arizona changed into a thick fleece pyjamas and a wholly jumper for extra warmth. She was still shivering and her skin was cold to the touch. Callie helped her lay down, walked around the bed and scooted in next to her. She covered them both with the duvet and a blanket she kept nearby for cold spells.

Callie laid as close to Arizona as she possibly could, giving the blonde some much needed body heat. She propped herself up on her elbow and looked down at Arizona's pale features, stroking her hair and kissing her forehead, telling her everything was going to be fine and that she was safe. She was alive.


	17. Chapter 17

The Secrets That We Keep

Chapter 17

Callie didn't get much sleep that night. She stayed awake keeping an eye on Arizona, making sure she was sleeping and alright. After such a long and exhausting shift the brunette had felt really drained and tired but after the incident with the gunman Callie was wide awake. Next to her soft snores could be heard. She was glad that at least Arizona got some much needed sleep after her traumatic event. Surprisingly the blonde slept through the night without any nightmares about what had happened. In the early morning hours Callie finally drifted off.

Next time she woke the sun was up and the clock showed 10.54 am. Stretching the tall latina turned in the bed and was surprised to see Arizona already awake, looking at her with tired blue eyes. Callie blinked the sleep out of her eyes and looked intensely at the blonde, concern written on her face.

"Hey," she spoke gently, "you're awake. You watching me sleep again?" she smiled and winked causing Arizona to show a weak grin. Callie brushed blonde hair away from her face and stroked her cheek with her knuckles as she withdrew her hand. Her face became serious. "How are you feeling, sweetie? Do you wanna talk about what happened?"

She watched as Arizona took a deep breath and shakily let it out. "I... I don't know... how I feel." her voice was small and childlike but the brunette could already see tears slowly forming.

Callie caressed her cheek once again, feeling the soft skin she couldn't get enough of. "That's okay too." she stated. "Remember, there are no right or wrong feelings. They are just feelings and they are yours and, whatever they might be, I'm here." she played with a stray lock of blonde hair, curling it around her finger before placing behind a delicate ear.

Suddenly the floodgates opened for Arizona. Whatever Callie had just said had triggered something causing tears to well up and sobs escaping her throat. She covered her face with her hands, crying into them making the sobs muffled. Callie instantly shifted closer. "Hey, hey, hey, sweetness." the brunette spoke softly and pulled her into a hug, placing Arizona's head in the crook of her neck, stroking her hair and rubbing her back in soothing motions.

"It's okay, you're okay. You're safe and you're alive, that's all that matters." she held onto the sobbing form and kept repeating comforting words trying to calm Arizona down.

"I... I... I was so scared." she finally managed to say between hiccups and sniffles. "I... I thought... I thought that that was it and I was going to die." she burried her face deeper into the latina's neck, asking for comfort and safetiness. "I... I thought of Tim and... and if I was going to see him again and then... then you showed up and..." she couldn't finish her sentence before breaking, her walls crumble and bringing her down with them, smashing into a thousand little pieces.

Callie was there, catching as many shards as she could, holding her close and rocking them both from side to side. "Shhh, baby. Shhh, everything is alright. I've got you, honey. I've got you." she kissed the top of Arizona's toussled hair. "I know you were scared, sweetness, anyone would've been in that situation. I was scared too. I was afraid I might lose you but you're safe Arizona, you're safe now. We both are. It's okay, sweetie. It's okay, shhh."

Eventually the sobs subsided and Arizona pulled back and looked at Callie with red and puffy eyes. "You're my knight in shining armour." she whipered and smiled slightly at her own words.

Callie chuckled. "Well, I wouldn't say shiny but close to it." she joked trying to ease some of Arizona's tension and worries.

"Why did you do it, Callie? Why would you put your own life in danger just because of me?" the blonde's voice was serious, almost angry but also confused.

"I don't know." the latina said. "I just acted. I... I wasn't thinking, I just did it. But I'm happy that I did and I wouldn't take it back if I could."

Arizona sniffled. "It's not like I'm not grateful or anything but what you did was stupid, Callie. You could've gotten yourself killed." the anger was now evident.

The brunette sighed but nodded. "Okay, it was a reckless thing to do but I don't regret it and I'm not gonna apologize for it." she paused. "Can we just not talk about my stupid decision, please?"

"Fine, just don't do it again?!" Arizona said seriously.

"Again? How often do you think you're gonna be standing in front of a gunman? Don't make a habit out of it?" Callie winked and kissed Arizona's lips softly, lingering there for a few seconds.

Hearing Arizona giggle made the latina's heart flutter. It was such a nice and calming sound and she wanted to hear it every chance she got. They both stayed in bed for another few minutes, just cuddling and being close to one another, before getting up for something to eat. Callie was reluctant to leave Arizona alone for even one minute. She wanted to stay close by her side to make sure she was okay and not thinking too much about what had happened last night. She knew she was being paranoid and perhaps overprotective but her nurturing and motherly instincts were peaking.

"Callie?" Arizona spoke up after a few minutes of silence. "Aren't you suppose to be at work?"

Callie was busy cleaning down the kitchen after their meal. "They'll page me if they need me." she simply said, wiping down the counter with a wet cloth. "Besides, I figured you could do with some company."

"I'm fine, Callie. Honestly, I am. You don't have to stay here with me all day. I can just go back to my place so you can go to work. I don't want to intrude or make you miss out on surgeries and stuff. I'll be fine on my own." it sounded more like she was trying to convince herself that she was fine instead of Callie.

The latina sighed, wiped her hands and sat down next to the blonde on the sofa taking her hands in her own. "I'm here because I want to be here, Arizona. You're not intruding and you're not making me do anything that I don't want to do. If I felt that you were intruding I wouldn't have brought you here in the first place." she let her hand run up and down Arizona's arm. "I like spending time with you and I want to make sure you're okay." leaning in closer she rested her forehead against the blonde's and smirked. "Deal with it!"

Arizona blushed slightly and placed her hand on Callie's warm tanned cheek. "Okay." she whispered, "and thank you... for everything."

Callie smiled and shrugged. "You're welcome. Anytime." she cupped the younger woman's face in her hands and kissed her passionately. She couldn't get enough of the blonde. It was almost an addiction at this stage. Arizona rarely left her thoughts or her mind, always thinking about her even when she wasn't realising she was doing it. She often caught herself smiling for no reason or being extra friendly towards her interns, even the incompetent ones.

The brunette eventually broke the kiss. "I need a shower. Will you be okay for a few minutes on your own?"

"I'll be fine Callie, don't worry so much." she said smiling. "ButI could do with a shower myself. I can still feel his... blood on my face and hands. I... I just need to... wash him off."

Callie pulled her up from her sitting position. "Then why don't we have a bath? Join me?" she asked seductively and led them both into the big bathroom.

Arizona was resting her back against Callie's chest, enjoying the steaming hot water filled with fragrance bubbles. Feeling their naked wet skin rubbing against each other made them both desperate for more and before Callie knew it Arizona took her hand and brought it down under the water to her dripping centre. As the latina entered one finger gently the blonde immediately brought her hips forward, begging for more. Callie added another didgit and began kissing and sucking her neck. "Oh baby. You're so wet... so hot."

Arizona threw her head back, giving Callie better access and yelped slightly as the brunette sucked hard on her pulse point. "Oh god! Fuck me, Callie! I want you to fuck me!?"

Hearing those words made Callie's clitors twitch with desire and her heart began pounding fiercely. "Yeah?" she said in a deep raspy voice. "You want me to fuck you, baby?" it wasn't really a question, more like a statement, a guarantee or a promise. She reached around the blonde's middle with her other arm and started to play with her clit while her other hand kept thrusting into the soaked opening finding her g-spot instantly.

"Oh fuck, yes baby! Right there! Right there, keep fucking me, Callie. Please, don't stop. It feel so good." Arizona's hips were moving frantically, desperate for more friction and release. Her wet mound was literally dripping, seeping into the water as Callie pumped in and out.

"You gonna come for me baby?" Callie asked in a passionfilled voice. "Uh? You gonna come for me?" she picked up the speed with both hands feeling Arizona's walls tighten.

"Yes, yes, yes, yes, Callie. Oh fuck, I'm gonna come, I'm gonna come... oh god, I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm coming. Fuck!" her hips shot up, breaking the surface and watched as Callie's fingers fucked her senseless.

"Yeah, that's it baby. That's it. You're so beautiful. So so beautiful. Keep coming for me baby. Keep coming." Callie watched as Arizona's body shook from the intense orgasm. The sight was such a turn on that the latina almost came with her. When the petite frame collapsed back against her she gently withdrew her fingers, causing Arizona to moan, and wrapped her arms around the shaking form.

"You okay, baby?" she whispered into a nearby ear. "That was intense. You're still shaking." she began rubbing Arizona's arms and upper thighs to sooth her back to present time. "That's it, just relax for me." she comforted.

"That was... that was... incredible." Arizona spoke still panting from the loss if breath during her climax. "I've... I've never had an orgasm so... intense."

Callie shrugged and smiled. "I have that effect on women." she joked.

The blonde chuckled and slapped her arm in a playful manner. "You think very highly of yoursel, dr Torres. But I like it." Arizona turned in her arms and began kissing Callie's neck and chest before taking an errect dark nipple into her mouth and flickered it with her tongue. Callie gasped at the sensation, pulled the blonde closer and unconsciously spread her legs wider apart. Arizona got the hint and lowered her hand parting slik folds and slipped a finger along her slit.

"Oh god, Arizona. The things you do to me, baby." her hips started moving on their own accord and the blonde immediately started to play with the engorged clit. Circling it, stroking it, rubbing it and gently pinched it between her thumb and index finger. Arizona wanted to taste her, to feel Callie's juices on her face and tongue.

"Sit up on the edge for me, baby." she pleaded. Callie instantly complied. The blonde then placed her hands on the brunette's knees and spread her legs wide open. Her sex was on fire. It was swollen, deep pink and ready. Arizona didn't waste any time. She lowered her head and latched onto Callie's clit and licked it hard with the flat of her tongue.

"Oh fuck! Keep sucking and licking me like that baby. Oh it's so good." her hips moved with the rythm of Arizona's strokes and placd a hand at the back of the blonde's head bringing her closer to her pussy. "Fingers." Callie gasped. "I need fingers, please." Arizona firmly thrusted two fingers inside her lover as she sucked on the delicious bundle of nerves.

"Oh baby! I'm already so close. Please don't stop. I want to come so badly. I want you to make me come. Please." her pelvis was wildly rocking begging for release and when Arizona picked up the speed of her thrusts and licks she felt herself come undone. "I'm coming, I'm coming, oh fuck me I'm coming!" Callie's body shook violently as her inner walls clamped down around Arizona's moving fingers and to the latina's surprise a gush of fluids squirted out from her clit causing Arizona to moan in pleasure.

"Oh my god!" Callie screamed as another spray of liquid pumped out and was quickly lapped up by Arizona's skillful tongue. When her body stopped shaking the blonde gently pulled her soaked fingers out and placed a last kiss on the sensitive bud. Callie sank back down into the water, exhausted from their strained activity.

"I've... I've never... I've never squirted before. Jesus, you're gonna be the death of me Arizona." she wrapped her arms around the blonde and held her tight. "But what a lovely way to go."


	18. Chapter 18

The Secrets That We Keep

Chapter 18

Teddy came up behind her best friend and couldn't help but to notice the huge smile on Arizona's face. "Hey, Zona. What's up with the happy face?"

The blonde was busy stitching up a deep forearm laceration on an eleven year old. "What do you mean?"she asked without looking up from her task.

Teddy raised her eyebrows and crossed her arms over her chest. "Really?! Arizona, you're basically glowing." the cardiac surgeon leaned closer and whispered into her friends ear, "is the sex that good?"

Arizona almost messed up her suture. "Teddy!" she shrieked, "there are tiny humans everywhere, watch your mouth." the blonde looked around anxiously in case anyone overheard their conversation but they seemed to be in the clear.

Teddy just chuckled. "Yeah, I'd say Callie should watch _her_ mouth." Arizona felt her face beginning to flush slightly. "Oh, red looks good on you, Zona." she giggled at her own joke but, when she saw how uncomfortable the peds surgeon seemed, she stopped and placed a hand on her shoulder. "I'm sorry, Zona. I just got carried away. It's so funny to tease you sometimes."

"Gee, thanks _friend._ " Arizona muttered applying the last suture with perfection. "By the way, her mouth doesn't need to be watched, it's perfectly fine the way it is."

Now it was Teddy's turn to blush. "Eww, keep the dirty details to yourself. What you do with your mouth is your business."

"Hey Robbins! Have you seen Torres around today?" Dr Hunt popped his head in through the doorway. "I need a consult on a patient. I could find someone else but she's the best."

Arizona frowned. She actually hadn't seen Callie around at all today and it was late in the afternoon. "No, I haven't. Did you try the on call rooms? Maybe she's just having a nap." Teddy got paged and quickly disappeared towards the pit.

"Yeah, I tried all of them and paged her but no response." he scratched is head. "If you come across her tell her I need her asap." and then he was gone.

The blonde pursed her lips. She had an idea where Callie was and headed straight there. Her instincts were right and she found Callie laying on a bed, a towel over her face in their special place. "Callie?" she spoke softly in case the woman was sleeping. She heard a groan coming from underneath the towel and walked up and sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Callie? You okay? Owen is looking for you, he paged you." she placed a hand on the latina's shoulder and gave it a soft squeeze. "You okay, honey?"

The brunette pulled the towel away from her face and revealed a drawn face, flushed features and dull teary tired eyes. She instanty got concerned, reached out and stroked a hot cheek. Fever. "Oh, honey. You're burning up. Why didn't you tell me you were sick? I haven't seen you all day, you should go home and get some rest."

Callie sniffled and sat up. "I don't want to go home." she wiped angrily at her tears and they silently rolled down her cheeks.

Arizona gently grabbed her hands and wiped the drops away for her. "Why not, baby? Why are you crying? Did something happen?"

Callie sniffled again and wiped her nose on her sleeve like a child would do. "You're gonna laugh at me?"

"Why would I laugh at you, sweetie?" she brushed dark tresses away from a flushed forehead and kissed her temple feeling the hot skin under her lips. The blonde dropped her head slightly so she could look into brown eyes that were slowly drooping.

Callie sighed and shivered, the fever taking it's toll on her body. "It's just... it's just that I... I hate being sick and I get all needy and cranky. I just didn't want you to see that. It's kind of embarrassing." she wrapped her ams around herself to keep warm, trying to stop the trembling but to no use.

Arizona brought her in close for a hug and rubbed her arms and back, willing warmth into her body. "Oh, sweetheart." she spoke soothingly, "don't be embarrassed. It's okay to be sick. We all get sick now and then. I just wish you would've told me sooner so I could've taken care of you." she felt Callie shiver in her arms and she pulled back. "I'm taking you home, okay. Why don't you go and change, get your stuff and I'll let the chief know, okay? I'll meet you out front, I won't be long."

She helped the brunette to get off the bed before she headed off to find Webber. Richard was very understanding and gave Callie a coupe of days to recuperate. Thanking the chief Arizona quickly made her way towards where Callie was waiting. They made it to Callie's apartment in ten minutes. While Arizona made them both some herbal tea Callie was getting changed into something more comfortable and sick friendly. When she was finished she walked out to the sitting room and plunked herself down on the couch, closing her eyes trying to ignore the headache that was slowly building. Her eyes were watery and sensitive, her throat was sore and her ears were aching. A full blown flu was making itself known.

The latina jumped slightly as she felt a warm blanket wrap around her shoulders from the front. Squinting she could see Arizona holding out a steaming cup for her to take. She sipped the tea slowly feeling how it soothed her throat with each swallow. There was also a large glass of water and some fever reducer on the table.

"I want you to drink the whole glass. It's important to stay hydrated, sweetie. Then I'll tuck you into bed and if you're really good I'll even read you a story." she smiled as Callie placed her head on her shoulder and simply said, 'okay'.

When Callie was finally in bed Arizona snuggled up next to her giving her some extra body heat until she fell asleep. "Where's my story?" the sick woman mumbled into the pillow. The blonde smiled at Callie's childlike behavior and looked down at the brunette who was laying on her side with her mouth sightly open. Arizona couldn't stop staring at the cute sight and stroked the dark hair that was sprawled out over the sheets.

"Once upon a time..." she started, making things up as she went along creating her own fairytale. It only took Callie a couple of minutes before she fell into much needed sleep. Arizona made sure she was warm enough and quietly made her way towards the kitchen on a mission to make some soup for her ill patient.

Callie slept until almost eight in the evening feeling worse than she did before. Groaning she tried to open her eyes but finding it close to impossible. Arizona poked her head in just in time to see the latina struggling to sit up.

"Hey, you're awake! How are you feeling?" the blonde strode over to the bed and placed a hand on a still burning forehead. "Still warm. How's your throat and ears?"

Callie half opened one eye and let it adjust to the dim lit room. "Arizona?" she rasped, looking confused. "Why are you here?" she didn't mean to be rude or anything but she couldn't remember why the blonde was at her apartment. Her memory was all fuzzy.

Arizona stroked dark hair away from Callie's tired confused eyes, thinking how incredibly adorable the brunette was. "I took you home earlier, sweetie. You're sick, probably the flu. Don't you remember?" she got concerned but brushed it off thinking it was probably due to the high fever that she couldn't remember.

Callie closed her eyes again, took a deep breath and nodded. "Yeah... yeah, I remember now." she popped her eyes open again, squinting as her head was about to explode. "Why are you still here?"

Arizona just smiled. "Well, you told me that you usually get very needy and cranky when you get sick so I thought that I would wait on you hand and foot. I made you some vegetable soup, think you can try some? You can go back to sleep after if you want but it's important that you do eat something."

The brunette nodded slowly, still looking slightly bewildered. "Are you an angel? Cause you do look like one and you're here, looking after me, making sure I'm okay. No one has ever done that for me before... well... except my mother when I was a kid but that doesn't count so, I want to know, are you an angel?"

"Well, angel is a bit far fetched but if you want me to be one I suppose I can pretend for awhile." she chuckled and planted a loving kiss on Callie's rosy lips.

The brunette pulled away groaning. "I don't want to get you sick, Arizona."

The blonde grinned and shrugged her shoulders. "Angels don't get sick." she said and gave Callie another peck.


	19. Chapter 19

The Secrets That We Keep

Chapter 19

After five days Callie was back in action breaking bones and fixing the unfixable. Arizona had literally moved in for the five days to make sure the latina had everything she needed. They were more comfortable around each other, more relaxed and at ease. They messed around, joking, dancing and teasing, almost like they were life long friends and had known each other for years and years.

When Arizona realized that Callie was indeed flu free, she had no longer an excuse to hang around the apartment and had no choice but to leave. She was reluctant to leave and Callie was sad to see her go but none of them couldn't find the courage to say anything so they went their separate ways.

It was almost midnight and Callie was tossing and turning, finding it impossible to fall asleep or even close her eyes. She missed the blonde and couldn't relax because of it. Many times she thought about calling Arizona and ask her to come over or if she could drive over to her place but didn't want to seem too clingy or needy. She didn't want to appear as desperate or dependant. Turning over to her side for the, at least, twentieth time that night, she groaned loudly and picked up her phone and just glared at the screen.

Suddenly the device in her hand came to life and vibrated, causing Callie to accidentally drop it on her face out of freight. "Aw, you mother fucker!" she shouted into the dark room and picked the phone back up, rubbing her sore nose. She stared at the bright screen and her heart started to beat wildly when Arizona's adorable dimpled face popped up. Taking a deep breath she tried to calm herself before answering.

"Hello?" she asked casually, pretending to sound sleepy.

"Callie, hi... it's Arizona. Did I wake you?" the blonde was nervous and felt bad for calling so late when obviously the latina was sleeping.

Callie cleared her throat and pretended to yawn. "It's okay." she mumbled, "what are you doing up? It's past midnight."

Arizona sighed and stuttered. "Um, yeah, I know... I just... I just thought that maybe... perhaps that you were awake but obviously you weren't and I'm sorry for waking you. I... I couldn't sleep and... I just thought that... that maybe..." she sighed again, "you know what, it's nothing. I'll see you tomorrow, Callie. Good night."

"Whoa, whoa wait! You sound a bit upset. Did something happen?" the brunette asked concerned, pushing herself up into a seated position. "Did you have a bad dream?" she asked gently.

Arizona closed her eyes and was amazed how well Callie knew her even though they hadn't been together that long. It was like she knew what she was thinking and how she was feeling before she could figure it out herself. When the blonde had her eyes closed the dream was replaying itself in her mind and she immediately snapped them open to get rid of the horrible pictures. "Yeah... um, can I come over?" her voice was shaky and full of emotions, her blue eyes filling up with tears.

Callie could hear that Arizona was upset and on the brink of crying and breaking down. She had witnessed a couple of Arizona's nightmares and they were always very intense and, quite frankly, a bit scary to watch. It usually ended with a painful scream and tte blonde would sit up gasping for air, eyes wide with fear and trembling hands gripping onto her stump trying to make sense of it all. Callie was glad that Arizona had called her in the middle of the night asking for comfort. It felt good that someone needed her and a feeling of honour washed over her.

"Of course you can come over, sweetie. You don't even have to ask. Are you okay to drive? Do you want me to come over instead?" she didn't want Arizona driving if she was upset.

"No, I'll be fine." the blonde insisted. "I prefer your place. It's more relaxing somehow. I'll just pack a few things and I'll see you in about thirty minutes and... " she sighed in relief, "thank you Callie, I really appreciate this. I'll see you soon."

The latina got up and went into the kitchen and prepared some tea for both of them. Chamomile had a soothing effect on people and perfect in a situation like this. She turned on the tv while she waited, the background noise proved to be soothing. True to her words, Arizona gently knocked on the door thirty minutes later. Callie opened it straight away and when she looked at the blonde her heart ached. Arizona had been crying. Her cheeks were flushed, eyes puffy and red and tear streaks marking her otherwise clear completion.

When Arizona saw the concern for her in Callie's facial expressions she couldn't keep her tears at bay. She flung her arms around Callie's neck and sobbed into her shoulder, dampening the material. The brunette was taken aback by the sudden impact but instantly wrapped the small frame into a comforting hug. "Oh, baby," she soothed, rubbing a hand up and down her back while her other held Arizona's head in place. "it's okay now. It's okay. I'm right here and I've got you. I've got you, sweetie. Shhh."

Callie managed to get the blonde to sit down on the couch. She was still in her pyjamas and slippers, her hair was slightly toussled and her shoulders shivered from the cold air outside. Callie came back with the tea, wrapping a blanked around the shaking form and placed a steaming mug of tea into frozen hands. "Here, it's chamomile. Be careful, it's hot."

She watched the blonde from the corner of her eye as she drank her tea. Callie didn't want to push but felt the need to ask about the dream. A couple of minutes passed in silence, all that could be heard was the occasional sniffle and faint slurping of the hot beverages. Callie scooted closer to the frozen woman next to her and rubbed her hand in circles over her back, willing warmth into her body. "You want to talk about it? The dream, I mean." she whispered softly and brushed away blonde strands that covered teary eyes.

Arizona put her cup on the table and sighed. She didn't want to talk about it but felt that Callie deserved to know what had happened in that plane crash and why she was calling her in the middle of the night crying like a child that's lost her mother in the supermarket. She deserved to know. She took a shaky breath and began. "It happened when I was working in Africa. We had a kid, a young boy, who needed a kidney and a lung transplant." she tucked one leg under her body and let her prosthetic limb hang freely over the edge.

"As you can imagine in poor areas in Africa there's a slim to no chance at all to find a donor anywhere so we were thrilled when we got the news. The only problem, or obstacle, was that we needed to fly over and get the organs ourselves." she paused and let out a breath, not wanting to relive everything but knew that she had to get it out in the open.

"We got a small private plane. There was five of us going including the pilot. We flew to the very north of Malawi, got what we came there for and again boarded the plane. It didn't take long before it got very bumpy. We all put it down to turbulence or air pockets and tried not to think too much of it and just stay calm and wait for it to pass." the blanket around her shoulders had fallen slightly and still frozen fingers clutched at the thick material and wrapped it tighter around her. "It didn't pass." she said in a whisper, her eyes turned dark as she relived the memory of the worst day of her life.

"All of a sudden the plane just dipped on one side and began to descend in a great speed. I remember..." she closed her eyes and swallowed at the lump forming in her throat, "I remember screams, loud noises, the smell of burning and a lot of beeping noises coming from the cockpit. I didn't scream. I was paralyzed with fear and terror of what was happening. I knew we were going down but I couldn't move, not even blink. I remember tightening my seatbelt very quickly." she chuckled, "why I don't know. It's not like you have a better chance of survival. If you're going down you're going down no matter what." she shuddered at the images playing in her head and shook it to erase them but to no use.

"When we... when we hit the ground it was... it was chaos. It was so loud and instantly my seatbelt snapped open." she chuckled at the memory, "funny uh?"

Callie hadn't said a word since she had began her telling her the awful experience and memory and Arizona was grateful for that. If she was to be interrupted she might not be able to continue at all and lose her nerve. "I was thrown out of my seat, bumping into walls, my coworkers, you name it. We finally came to a standstill. I opened my eyes and saw that I was on the ground outside the plane. Somehow I had been thrown or sucked out from the aircraft and landed on my back. It felt like the air had been sucked out of my lungs and I couldn't breath. No matter how hard I tried to breath I just couldn't. I realized then that I had a weight on top of me, restricting my airway." her face crumbled and a few tears spilled down her cheeks but she quickly composed herself and continued.

"I brought my hands up to move whatever was weighing me down and... it... it was David, one of my colleagues." for the first time since she began speaking she looked over at the brunette. Callie held her full attention and showed compassion and concern. Patiently she waited for Arizona to continue. "He was dead." she simply stated and got a distant look in her eyes as if she was going back to that place and living it again. "His skull had cracked open and... and his brain was... was... I could see it and... and..." she choked and placed a hand over her mouth at the memory. Her stomach turned and, as quickly her legs could carry her, she ran to the closest bathroom and barely made it before emptying everything she had eaten that day.

Callie was right behind her, quickly wetting a wash cloth, pressed it against Arizona's forehead as she kept dry heaving and held back her hair with the other hand. The sound of her girlfriend vomiting was heartbreaking. If she could somehow end her lover's pain and suffeing she would but there was nothing she could do to take it away. "It's okay," she gently soothed,"just let it all out, baby. That's it, just try to relax and go with it. Listen to your body. It's okay, I've got you. I've got you, sweetheart."

After several minutes of dry heaving the blonde collapsed against Callie's strong body, physically exhausted. "I'm... I'm sorry." she rasped weakly. "I don't... I don't know why I'm reacting this way I'm..."

"Shhhh!" Callie tenderly stroked the blonde's heated face with the cool cloth, concern written on her face. "It's your body's way of telling you that it's feeling the pressure and the stress you've been under lately. Both physical, mental and psychological. The nightmares you're having is just adding to it and your body is letting you know that you need to slow down and take better care of yourself." the latina rocked them both gently from side to side here they were huddled up together on the floor. "We had this discussion not so long ago, remember?" Arizona weakly nodded. "It's time to slow down now, Arizona. Look after your body and your mind. I'm here to help you in any way I can, I just want you to get better. I want you to heal." she kissed the blonde's damp tresses and pulled her upright.

"Why don't I take you to bed and we can try to finish talking there. Just lean on me, sweets." They got up and Arizona rinsed her mouth and drank some water before Callie tucked her in under the warm covers, snuggling up next to her. "You don't have to do this now, Arizona. It's okay if you're not ready."

The blonde sniffled and shook her head. "No, I... I want to finish. I don't think I'll ever be ready for it so I'm just gonna do it. If I stop now I'll probably never do it."

Callie rubbed her back in soothing motions and kissed pink trembling lips. "I'm listening."


	20. Chapter 20

The Secrets That We Keep

Chapter 20

Callie held Arizona's gaze as she struggled to tell her story. It was hard for the brunette not to be able to do anything to take away, even the slightest bit, of the agony that played so clearly on the blonde's facial features. All she could do in this very moment was talimg Arizona's hands in hers and held on tight.

"I was able to push David off of me and he landed on the ground next to me with a thud. My ears were ringing from the loud impact but it was slowly coming back. I remember that all the noises around me became louder and clearer. I heard someone screaming. At first it sounded so far away but after a while I realized that it came from just a few feet away. It was Marie, another coworker, about ten years older than me. She was a lovely woman. She was trapped underneath a heavy bit of debris and she was in so much pain. I wanted to help her so I sat up quickly and started to get up. That's when I felt the excruciating pain in my thigh." she paused and licked dry lips, "I looked down and saw that my femur had totally snapped, lacerated my skin and was sticking out. I was literally looking at my bone." feeling her stomach churning again she closed her eyes and breathed deeply.

Callie stroked her blonde hair. "You're safe, sweetie." she whispered, giving Arizona the extra courage to carry on.

"It didn't really hurt that much at first. I suppose it was the adrenaline rush that was working as some sort of pain relief. I acted fast though, the surgical side kicked in fast and I remembered wearing a belt so I ripped it off and tied it tightly around my thigh, above the break, before the pain would kick in fully. It still hurt like hell. I screamed as I pulled the belt tighter and had to bite down on a stick I found nearby." she chuckled, "I even cracked a tooth doing it." again she drifted off to that very same awful day but snapped back into reality when she felt Callie squeeze her hand.

"I couldn't get to her. It was too painful to move. I tried to drag myself a bit closer to her but the blood started to pump as soon as I shifted. A couple of minutes later I heard voices. It was Nicolas, the pilot, and Greg another surgeon. They didn't seem to be injured at first, just beat up and bruised. They tried to free Marie from the crushing weight but it was too heavy even for them." a tear slid down her cheek and Callie was quick to wipe it away. "The time went so slow. Everything seemed to happen in slow motion. Greg found a couple bottles of water. He poured some over my leg to keep it somewhat clean. We had to be careful not to drink too much since it was all we had." the blonde let out a sigh that was the definition of defeat and vulnerability. "Marie's screams eventually turned into wheezing whimpers. She knew she was dying, I could see it in her eyes. I tried to offer some verbal comfort but I didn't know what to say. I shut down and tried to pretend I was somewhere else. Nicolas was holding her hand the whole time. Greg moved David's body as far away as he could then he placed a broken seat behind my back so I could rest againt it."

The brunette felt her own eyes tear up as Arizona told her everything she had endorsed. It was impossible for her to put herself in Arizona's shoes and try to understand how she must've felt. She simply couldn't imagine the horror, terror and agony that Arizona so clearly must've experienced. She did her best to blink them away.

"It took four days before we were rescued. Four days of pain, fear, hunger, thirst and pure exhaustion. Marie died after the first night. She must've been in so much pain and there was nothing we could do for her." tears welled up once again in blue eyes and they silently made their way down onto the white fluffy pillow, leaving a faint trail in it's wake. "We... we had to... drink..." her bottom lip trembled as she spoke, "we had to drink our... or own urine. There were maggots crawling inside my leg, eating away at my flesh. The nights were so cold. Greg managed to light a fire the first night to keep us warm and to keep the wolfs away but we could still hear them. They were howling and growling... fighting. Then it hit me that... that...they were fighting over David's body." she broke down, sobbing uncontrollably.

"I... I can still hear... hear the... the sound of them... eating and ripping limbs from his body." she was hysterical and couldn't stop crying or shaking. She looked into Callie's teary eyes. It was a look of desperation and a plea for help. Callie did her best to sooth but when Arizona began to hyperventilate she pulled her up into a sitting position. Blue eyes had gone dark and distant. The blonde was no longer in the present moment, she was back in the woods fighting for her life, fighting to survive.

Callie had seen patients suffer from PTSD and this was a cystal clear symptom of the disorder. She knew she had to get the blonde's mind to return and her breathing under control quickly. Before she could do or say anything, Arizona let out a piercing scream and clutched at her limb. Sweat began to pour from her body as she cried and begged for the pain to go away. It was absolutely heartbreaking for Callie to see her girlfriend in such torment. Her own chest tightened and the sight of Arizona desperately trying to regain some kind of control of the situation but kept failing miserably.

An idea popped into her head and she quickly ran to one side of the room, grabbed a full length mirror from the wall, placed it horizontally on the floor and ran back to Arizona. Gently she picked her up, wrapped in the duvet, and placed them both in front of the mirror, Callie behind so that the blonde could lean back against her. On the wall there was another full length mirror and when Callie placed the first mirror, between Arizona's outstretched legs, it looked like the blonde had two normal healthy legs in the reflection of the second mirror.

"Arizona?!" Callie said firmly, "Arizona look in the mirror, sweetie. Just look in the mirror for me, please." the blonde was still grabbing at her limb, crying in pain. Callie forced her hands away and made Arizona look her own reflection. "Just look at your leg, sweetness. Don't look at anything but the leg. Focus on it, move it around a little bit but don't take your eyes off of it." the latina brushed sweaty hair back from Arizona's heated face and made shushing noises. "See? Nothing is wrong with your leg, sweetheart. The pain you're feeling is coming from your mind and travelling down towards the leg that should be there. Your brain and your body is trying to tell you different things but let neither of them win. _You_ have to accept the loss Arizona. _You_! Not your body or you brain, but _you_. Just _you,_ baby. Just _you._ "

While she spoke softly to her lover she took the opportunity to massage her stump since the blonde was too busy looking at the illusion of two perfectly healthy legs. She felt the muscles underneath her hand relax and the shaking also eased. "There you go, sweetie." she murmered and smoothed her sweat soaked bangs away from her forehead. "Just relax for me, don't lose focus of that mirror. You're okay, honey. Everything is okay. I'm here and you're safe. I've got you, baby. I've got you."

Callie kept repeating those words until Arizona's breathing and shaking finally eased. The occasional hiccup and sniffle could still be heard but the wors was over. Looking at Arizona now she found it hard not to break down herself. The blonde looked absolutely exhausted. Her previously flushed face was now pale and cool to the touch, her eyes had a tired pleading expression and her body heavily sagged against the brunette's chest.

"Oh my sweet baby," Callie said with feeling, "you're okay now, I've got you. Just relax against me, sweetheart. Just listen to your body. I'm right here. Shhhh." she rocked them both gently from side to side, repeating words of comfort and soothing touches, bringing the blonde back slowly to present time. Minutes passed and Callie was certain that Arizona had fallen asleep when she once again heard a stiffled sob coming from the woman in her arms. Callie instantly got worried, thinking how much of this could Arizona physically and emotionally take?

She felt the blonde shift in her embrace and she loosened her hold so Arizona could get comfortable. She burried her face in Callie's soft neck and began crying once more. This time the sobs were different. They were no longer so intense and body wreckingly powerful. They were tears of relief that this episode was over and tears of just pure sadness and raw emotions that yet hadn't been dealt with. Pulling Arizona close she could feel the blonde starting to shiver but this time from the coolness in the room.

Callie scooped her up in her strong arms and carried her back to bed and tucked her in before sliding in under the covers next to her. "How are you feeling, sweets?" she tenderly wiped away errant tears. "You tired?" Arizona just nodded. "You want to talk some more?" the blonde shook her head. "You wanna go to sleep?" another nod, "you want me to hold you, baby?" once again a nod. Callie opened her arms wide for the younger woman to crawl into her embrace. "Com'ere my sweet girl. I'll hold you for as long as you want. I'll always hold you. Always. Sleep now. I'm right here and you're safe. You're safe, sweetie. You're safe." eventually the drained blonde gave up trying to fight the need to rest and she slowly fell into a much needed exhausted slumber, feeling Callie's safe and strong arms around her. Warm and protected.

Things could only get better from here on. She had gotten everything out in the open. No more secrets, no more lies and no more pretending to be okay when things weren't. With Callie by her side she felt like she could do almost anything and she wanted their relationship to work and last for as long as possible. There was nothing she wouldn't do for Callie and she knew that the latina felt the same way. She had to work on her issues, her fears, her nightmares and her panic attacks. Seeing someone proffesional about her episodes and problems were probably the best way to go about it. It would be a long and difficult road to recovery. This was only the beginning and Arizona wanted to see the beauty in it and not being trapped in the shadows any longer. She wanted to live.


	21. Chapter 21

The Secrets That We Keep

Chapter 21

"Arizona, would you... I mean if it's not too much... could we maybe... or well, one of us, perhaps we could... what I'm trying to say is that maybe, if you're ready, we could maybe... Ahhh!" Callie sighed in frustration. It had all sounded good when she had rehearsed it in her head but saying it out loud was a whole different ballgame. It almost sounded cheesy and cliche. Thank god she was alone in her bathroom, staring at her own reflection in the mirror, practicing her speech.

Feeling nervous about how to say this the right way she ran her hand through her towel dried hair and sighed once again in defeat. "I'm so pathetic." she murmured to herself and began brushing her teeth.

Arizona was coming over for dinner and Callie wanted everything to be perfect. Things were really looking up for the two of them and they were enjoying each other's company whenever their busy schedule allowed for it. The blonde had, however, cut down on her hours to give her body a chance to rest and her mind to heal. Her psychiatrist was very pleased with Arizona's progress. She had taken huge steps in order to overcome her anxiety and fears. Callie was so proud of her girlfriend and could see a big difference in the blonde's behavior, self-esteem and even her posture. It was all looking good.

They had now been together for almost eight months and Callie wanted them to move in together. Arizona usually spent at least three nights a week at Callie's apartment anyway so it would only be practical, and easiest way was to ask Arizona to move in with her and not the other way around. She also knew that Arizona didn't really like her own apartment but loved being in Callie's. It would be the right thing to do. Even though they've had so many dinners together before, Callie was extremely nervous. Her hands were sweating and her stomach was doing somersaults from the adrenaline rush. The dinner was basically ready, just needed heating up and a few final touches.

She chose a deep purple pencil dress that showed off her curves and black five inch heels added extra height to her already tall frame. Her dark hair was left hanging loose over her shoulders and simple but elegant jewelry to finish it off. If she was walking down the street people would definitely turn their heads for a second glance of the stunning latina.

The doorbell rang at seven pm sharp, just as planned. Callie let out a shaky breath and wiped her hands over the material on her dress for the tenth time that night, before opening the door. What she saw was indeed a sight for sore eyes.

Arizona was dressed in black trousers, that showed off her cute bottom, a dark blue satin blouse that mathed her eyes, a black blazer, a pair of black shoes with a small heel and her blonde hair was done up in two french braids that circled around her neck so it looked like they were entwined. Absolutely gorgeous.

The blonde smiled shyly and handed Callie a bouquet of a selection of flowers in different colours and shapes. "Hi," she said timidly, "I didn't know what kind o flowers you liked so I got a bit of everything."

Callie grinned, showing off her brilliant white teeth, and accepted the colourful arrangement, closing her eyes as her nostrils were hit by the beautiful scent they radiated. "They're beautiful, Arizona. Thank you." she opened the door fully so the blonde could step inside and Callie greeted her with a kiss on the cheek. "You look stunning, absolutely stunning." the latina eyed her from top to toe, not getting enough of the sight in front of her.

Arizona shrugged shyly and smiled. "I try. And so do you I see. You look... amazing. Breathtakingly beautiful."

"Well, you did good... really good and thank you for the complement. I'm just gonna put these in water. Why don't you take a seat on the couch and I'll bring you a glass of wine. We're having chicken so white wine is on the menu tonight."

"Sounds lovely, thank you. What did you cook anyway? It smells amazing in here."

Smiling Callie put the flowers in a tall crystal vase. "Chicken picatta. You'll like it, trust me."

The dinner was perfect and Arizona couldn't stop complementing the brunette about the food. "That was the best chicken picatta I've ever had."

Chuckling Callie refilled their glasses. "That was the first chicken picatta you've ever had. How do you know?"

Arizona just offered her a sly smile. "Oh, trust me, I know. Besides, it was made by the most beautiful, sexy and talented woman I know. Simply perfection."

"Oh, she sounds lovely. Would you mind giving her my number?" the latina joked flirtatiously, watching Arizona giggle knowing the wine was slowly getting to the blonde's head. There was nothing more adorable than a slightly tipsy Arizona and Callie decided that the blonde needed to be somewhat in her full state of mind for what Callie was about to say.

She placed a hand on the blonde's, bringing it down with the wine glass, stopping Arizona having another sip for now. "Um, there's something I'd like to ask you and I need you not to be... um, totally intoxicated," she smiled and winked, "I've been thinking about... you know, um... how much time you spend here and... and I was just thinking that maybe you could spend even more time here... with me... or just... here." sighing in frustration again, Callie herself, took another big gulp of her wine, needing the liquid courage.

"Um, what I'm trying to say... or ask you, is if you want to maybe... move... in... here... with... me? Maybe?" she took another big gulp while waiting for the blonde's answer.

Arizona froze. This was very unexpected even though she had thought about it herself but never thought that Callie would actually ask her. They were still getting to know each other and still had things to learn and find out from one another. Her face showed shock but looking at the slightly drunk and nervous latina made her start smiling at how adorable Callie looked when she was stuttering and feeling nervous. Tears of joy slowly filled her eyes and she took a deep shaky breath.

She grabbed the brunette's fidgety hands in hers. "Callie, I would love nothing more than to move in with you."

Callie closed her eyes and let out a breath she didn't realize she was holding. "Oh thank god." she gasped, "I'm glad that's over with." she chuckled.

Arizona joined in on the laughter and threw her arms around her love as more tears made their way down her cheeks. "Oh baby. You were so nervous." she sympathetically stated. "Of course I'll move in with you. I... I..." she choked on her words as if she was afraid to say them out loud. "I... I love you." she finally whispered.

Callie's eyes widened at the statment and hugged Arizona tighter, stroking her hair and back. "I love you too." she said softly and wiped at her own eyes that were steadily filling up. "So so much."

The End.


End file.
